


The Insanity of a God

by Dragon_Queen_TMM



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Loki Feels, Loki Needs a Hug, Psychological Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2018-10-16 22:04:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10580400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragon_Queen_TMM/pseuds/Dragon_Queen_TMM
Summary: AU & predates Avengers (in beginning). Within myth we are told that Loki kills Balder (which I have written as the oldest son of Odin) but what if Balder raised his blade first. Like all stories there is always more than meets the eye. Rating for torture/abuse and adult content. Possible spoilers to many Marvel movies, TV shows and/or comics.





	1. Prologue - Abandonment

The darkness of these four walls that surrounded him didn’t compare to the darkness that boiled inside him. One hundred Asgardian years he was condemned to this fate. Asgardian years were longer than Midgard’s by almost three times. He, who had once been a prince, was reduced to barely a shell of his former glory. Some days he started to forget who he was or why he was here. Having to remind himself that he was Loki and he was here simply for not dying when a true blood Asgardian raised their blade to him. Would he live out his greatly long life in this pit of despair? 

His dark thoughts betrayed him as he pondered how he should have let Balder kill him all those years ago when this began. That would have made things easier for him but then again he never took the easiest route. A survivor, he had always been and this time it was his undoing. It went against his nature to just curl up and be slain but, Balder why? Why had he tried to slay him? Balder was the oldest and wisest of Odin’s son. Before that day he had never seen such malice in Balder’s eyes. The sight hit him worst than the blade that Balder has used to stab him in the back. Would he ever be given a reason for Balder’s actions? Thinking back to the memories he couldn’t bury deep enough in his mind he couldn’t see a reason. A deep sigh came through him which caused his injuries to ache as they stretched. The only reason that he could come up with was because he was a monster. Balder must have learned of his true parentage was the only conclusion that he could come to. 

Foot Steps. The sound of someone coming drew Loki from his dark thoughts as he tried to ready himself for another day in his own personal hell. Pulling his limps in on himself he prayed to anyone who would care to listen to him; please don’t let it be Vidar. Vidar was more sadistic in his visits than Odin due to his inclining age. Asgard had no superior gods and he didn’t know enough about the frost giants to know if they believed in gods. Not that anyone, god or not, would care to help him. There was no one for him to pray to but himself.

The heavy cell door let out a painful sounding screech as Odin entered, the same dark look on his face that he saved for Loki. No sign of Vidar but he didn’t let the relief show on his features. Odin would still brutalize him. Lowing his eyes to stare at the floor, he had long ago given up on trying to talk sense into the man he used to call father. He didn’t even bother to pick himself up off the floor. He wouldn’t give him the pleasure of knocking him down again. A barely living doll is all Odin would get nothing more.

‘End this.’ He barely spoke above a whisper.

Odin grabbed him by the neck limiting his breathe as he lifted him to his knees. Loki flinched in the anticipation of pain while trying to remain as doll like as possible. It had been some noticeable amount of time since Odin had made him scream for mercy surely he would make up for it now.

After a few lingering moments the expected pain didn’t come. No cruel words either. Loki willed himself to make eye contact hoping to find some clues within Odin’s face. What he saw was a face that showed no emotion as he focused intently on him. Slightly Odin’s lips mumbled words from a language which Loki’s best guess was something ancient, older than possible Odin himself. A spell, the thought twisted at his insides. What could Odin be casting over him? An overwhelming feeling of vulnerability and weakness washed over him but he didn’t understand why. Nothing has changed that he could tell. No new aches or injuries.

“Od…” Loki started to say but was cut short by Odin’s free fist connecting with his gut. Before Loki could overcome the pain of the blow Odin dragged Loki by the collar around his neck choking him.

“Speak no more. For only lies fall from that wretched tongue.” Odin stated firmly.

Loki struggled to breathe while trying to fight at Odin’s hand. He was unable to see where Odin was taking him through his ever darkening vision. In all his time condemned to this fate he was never removed from his cell. Was he to be executed for all of Asgard to see? Maybe he would be beheaded so no magic could hope to revive him? He could only wish for the sweet relief that death would bring. 

Before another thought could be made on the topic he was thrown. The ground he expected to hit didn’t come as he felt weightless. The world around him disappeared and was replaced with mixtures of lights speeding pass him. A portal? Blinding light over took him as he could barely breath, unprepared for the trip. It felt like he was on the biforst but, why would Odin want to send his favorite punching bag away? A sickening feeling came over him as he felt he was just being thrown out like trash. Maybe he would be left out in the middle of space so Odin could watch him slowly suffocate. Or worst he would be dropped on a dangerous world where he would be torn to pieces or worked to death as a slave.

The portal’s end opened and revealing brown and green ground a second before crashing with unnatural force through several structures until he was stopped by the solid terrain of the planet’s surface. Shock over took him as he tried to recover from the overwhelming pain. He heard movement around him but as he tried to move he realized that he couldn’t. 

The pain that was caused in his attempt to move dulled his senses even more as he heard someone speak before he blacked out, “Is that a man!? He can’t possibly be alive.” He understood the language but didn’t have the mind to place the location of where it belonged.

Back on Asgard Heimdall watched the scene unfold of the humans cautiously made their way over to Loki’s broken form within the sizeable crater.  
Turning to Odin he asked, “I do not understand your wisdom All-Father. Why send him to Midgard?”

“Why not? He is as weak as them now. It doesn’t heed my concern what they do to him. They can take him apart in their lowly science for all I care.”

“What of the weaknesses his traitorous tongue might spill to the human or the treachery he would cause if Thor discovered he still breathes?”

Odin paused for a moment, “Gate keeper you are prudent council and your wisdom has been heard. Keep an eye on him less I need to teach him how to keep his mouth shut once more.”


	2. I'm not Crazy, if it is Real

Shades of light started to come through to his senses as he felt the conscious world approaching him. Part of him fought the lost of darkness as it was easier to bear than whatever reality awaited him this cycle of the sun. As more of his senses came back to him he started to wonder what Shield would try on him this time. It had been many earth years since his ‘father’ condemned him to his fate and he had long since lost his hope that he might know anything close to freedom once more. Even the false freedom of being a part of Asgard would be nothing more than a dream.

A sound forced him to open his eyes just in time to see the shadow of a person passing by the small cut out window in a steel door. The darkness was lost and now he was back in his reality. Taking a deep breath in he slowly sat his stiff body up and attempted to stretch. He hated the effect of the drugs humans used on him especially the ones to make him sleep. His head pounded while his insides twisted painfully. He raised his hands to his face realizing then that his wrists were chained together with steel cuffs and a small chain. Annoyed he scratched at his beard disliking the itch of being unable to shave in sometime.

Glancing around the room he tried to get his mind off his body. It was then that he realizes the room he was in was different than the one he was guest to before he was forced into unconscious. Here he actually had a roof over his head and the cold steel walls were replaced with padded hospital white ones. Through his blurry vision he barely made out the darken room with no windows expect for a small one in the door letting a small amount of light in from the outside. The only furniture in the room was the bed he sat on and a nightstand table both of which were bolted to the floor. Were they hoping to drive him mad with the dark solitude of the room? 

The rags he remembered still hung on his thin frame. Moving his hand up his right side he carefully felt his ribs before wincing at a shot of pain it caused. His biggest injury hadn’t recovered at all so he wasn’t out for any longer than a day. A disoriented memory of while he was fight off a sedative came back to him. He had overhear talk about transferring him to a safe place out of the reach of…He must have passed out before hearing the end of the conversation because he didn’t know what he was out of the reach of. The memory was so blurry he questioned if it was just a dream. 

Slowly he pushed himself up on his numb feet trudging towards the small window in the door. All his muscle ached but still he made it to the door. He was going to need to understand how this place work in order to prepare for what tortures would befall him.

Glancing through the window he saw an armed guard who he didn’t recognize and he had made a point to remember the faces of those he meet. The guard didn’t seem to mind him or react to him. Risking a bad outcome he decided to speak with a dry cracked voice, “Water?” The guard didn’t react to him. “Please water?” Again no response.

He kicked the door in anger still the guard didn’t care. With a sigh, he hung on the window’s edge and leaned his head against the door unconsciously licking his dry cracked lips.  
Did they intend to kill him with thirst?

The sound of approaching feet drew his attention back to the hallway. “Your patient is right this way. Shield just dropped him off less than an hour ago. I’d watch myself if I was you. I read the report and it sounds like he will be a discouraging case. Tends to be aggressive with violent outburst, I heard he, once…”A woman spoke.

“That’s what they say but I like to form my own opinion. You can’t judge patients by reports alone, Sue.” A man spoke cutting off her rant.

Loki lifted his head just in time to see a woman in scrubs and a man in professional casual clothing standing in front of the door. The name tag pinned onto his shirt said Barry and hers said Sue. Sue was a short white round woman with brown hair that was cut just above her shoulders. Her dark brown eyes showed no compassion through her thin framed glasses. Barry was shorter than he was with short brown hair. Through his glasses his amber brown eyes read an honest man with a dark past.

“Back away from the door.” Sue commanded firmly. He quickly read her as the type to not take any questions to her commands. Her way was the only correct way. 

He mumbled in Asgardian, “It’s called please.” Before he backed away slowly moving towards the center of the room defensively unsure what to expect. 

If these people were anything like home or Shield he couldn’t physically handle angering them at the moment. As soon as the door opened the light turned on blinding him just long enough for the armed guard to take him by surprise. The guard grabbed him quickly tossing him on the bed. Before he had time to react his wrists were rebound to soft fabric straps on either side of the bed. Loki braced himself unable to fight off the guard but despite the guard’s force-fullness he didn’t hurt him.

“Why wasn’t he contained in the first place? He could have attacked us or hurt himself.” Sue asked the guard.

“I didn’t bring him in mam.” The guard said. 

“Well you are the one on duty so what happens here in max security falls on you. These patients are dangerous and can’t be trusted.” She said sure to point out that this was max security for a reason.

“Enough Sue,” Barry said in a slightly annoyed tone. He then looked to the guard and said, “We are fine thank you.”

The guard silently nodded and left somewhat defeated looking.

“You must be thirsty. You were unconscious for quite some time. Sue, please get him some water.” Barry nicely commanded Sue. It was hard to get a good read on a patient while they were being influenced by more than one person, especially a hard-ass personally like Sue’s. 

“Shield made it clear how dangerous he can be.” Sue

“We will be fine. Right?” He said giving Loki a questioning glance who only nodded an unsure yes.

“Shield recommended no one is left alone with him.”

“Sue please, I would like a moment with MY patient.” He said clearly growing annoyed at her uncaring approach to someone who was clearly more afraid of them at the moment. 

“Very well but it’s on you if he attacks you.” She said with a huff as she left slamming the door behind her.

“I’m sorry about her.” Barry said as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed next to him.

Loki instinctively moved to sit up and back away as much of his bond wrists would allow while physically shrinking in size. Barry curiously eyed him ensuring himself that he wasn’t prejudging him based on his file. Timidity Barry reached to brush Loki’s hair over his shoulder so he could get a better look at him. Fear stuck Loki eyes for a moment as he lowered them to the bed but he didn’t react to stop Barry’s touch. Without the barrier obstructing his vision Barry could now see bondage bruising around his neck and took notice of equal bruising on his wrists. He was very thin with several bones visible through his skin as well as several manhandling bruises that adored across him. It won’t be surprise to see more bruises hidden under his clothing considering his visible condition. Messy long dirty black strains of hair knotted up hopelessly on his head while his unshaven face was covered in a coarse beard. Barry sighed; despite a patient’s issues they should never be in such a state.

“It’s alright I’m not going to harm you.” Barry said as he laid his hand over Loki’s. When Loki seemed to relax under his touched he moved two fingers to his wrist to feel his heart rate. After realizing that his heart was still going very fast he sighed and asked, “How are you feeling?”

At first Loki didn’t say anything as he felt an array of emotions and aches before just finally asking, “Where am I?”

“This is Rothman Mental Health Institution, the best in the nation.”

For a second Loki took in this information glancing at Barry unsurely, “Why am I being detained here?”

“Well considering you killed your brother…”

“Balder tried to kill me! What was I suppose to do die!?” Loki defensibly yelled growing tired of being dubbed a murder for self defense by people who had no right to judge his actions on Asgard. 

Barry paused for a moment allowing him to have his outburst and considering his words before he continued, “I’m sorry I don’t know the details of that case. I only know what they told me. I’d be happy to hear your side of things but either way I’m not sure why Shield had you in their custody since they handle military matters.”

“Father’s choice to throw me there.” Loki briefly interrupted Barry again as he mumbled and glanced away.

Barry listened and made a mental note of his comment but didn’t response to it as he continued, “They deemed you unfit to take care of yourself, mentally unwell, a danger to yourself and others. And since Shield doesn’t specialize in long term care and treatment they handed you over to us.”

Loki huffed as Sue returned with a tray holding a bottle of water and medicine, “I’ve taken care of myself my whole life.”

Barry grabbed the bottle of water, without acknowledging Sue, opened it and gestured it towards Loki. With little hesitation Loki moved closer and allowed Barry to tip the bottle on his lips. He drank thirst-fully as some of it dripped onto his chin. At that moment he didn’t care about his pride only considered with wetting his dry throat. Barry pulled the bottle away as Loki wiped his chin on his shoulder.

Only letting him drink a quarter of it, Barry asked, “Are you good about taking your medicine?”

“Medicine.” He huffed. “I’m not ill. Those poisons you consider to be cures only make me unwell.”

Barry opened his mouth to reason with Loki but Sue spoke cutting him off, “Well there is always plan b. A sedative shoot and you won’t be given a choice in the matter.” Sue said as she lifted a needle and was met with a glare from Loki.

“Sue, please enough. You are just making things worse.” Barry said annoyed at her treatment of him. He could see beyond what Shield had reported to them. Loki seemed like an intellect reasonable man who was just frustrated with life not the dangerous monster they made him out to be. If anything he seemed more afraid of them and what they were going to do to him.

“Stay away from me!” Loki yelled as he fought against his bonds. 

Barry had to move as he was almost kneed in the back and tried to calm Loki down with words, “Please Loki calm down. We aren’t going to hurt you.”

Loki didn’t listen as he continued to twist trying to break free while mumbling Asgardian curses. When he started to bite on the strap trying to pull the simple latch free from his wrist Sue turned to the door saying, “That’s it. Guard!”

“Wait Sue!” Barry said but it was too late as a guard stormed in grabbing him and easily manhandling him into a laying position.

With Sue’s help they were able to bond his ankles to the bed and a strap over his chest so his movement was greatly limited. Moisture swelled up in Loki’s eyes but didn’t fall as he hopelessly glanced over to Barry who stood back with his eyes closed and a hand on his forehead clearly frustrated. 

“Thank you.” Sue said to the guard as he left and she kneeled next to Loki. She prepared a needle as she pulled down the rim of his pants on one side to quick stab his hip harshly.

Loki’s Asgardian curses were lost in translate and to them just sounded like over emotional mumbles. He was annoyed at the whole situation and the fact that he couldn’t adjust his pants forced to be humiliated with his boxers showing on one side. Silently he glared up at them.

“That could have been avoided.” Barry said to Sue as he returned to Loki’s side.

“We can discuss it later. Right now he needs his meds. Are you going to help me?” Sue

Barry laid his hand over Loki’s clutched fist saying, “I’m sorry. I didn’t intend for this to happen this way.”

Barry gentle injected him with the medicine that he could be given with a needle while Loki continued to curse in Asgardian. Sue then forced his mouth open and a pushed a pill in quickly followed by water. 

Sue held a hand over his mouth holding it in place until he obeyed and commanded, “Swallow.”

Sue repeated the process until all the pills are gone, about seven different things Shield told them he was on. Barry was only able to sit there rubbing the top of Loki’s hand in an attempt to comfort him.

“We’re all done. I’m sorry about this. We will leave you. Please try to sleep.” Barry spoke as he covered Loki with a thin white sheet but Loki didn’t response as he stared up at the ceiling bitterly. After he heard the lock click of the door and the light click off he heard Barry speak in an angry tone, “That was completely unnecessary. He could have been reasoned with.”

“These patients can’t be reasoned with. That’s the problem with you, Doc. You are too soft hearted for this place.” Sue said sounding fared away.

“How I feel my patients should be treated is not of your concern. They are my patients and I’m the doctor.” Barry said barely heard from the distance they were now.

Once he could no longer hear their quarrel he glanced over to the quarter of a bottle of water they left sitting on the night stand next to the bed. Unconsciously he licked his dry lips before surrendering to his defeat and closing his eyes. He cursed his lack of natural strength beyond that of a normal human. It wasn’t long before he started to feel the numb sickness that the medicine bought. It left him in a sleepless rest all night while he was forced to endure listening to the mindless rambles of the other patients that were housed near him which truly sounded crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think? ^_^ I have never been hospitalized so sorry if it is unrealistic. I try to keep my writing as realistic as I can.


	3. Let's Come to an Understanding

The shadows of the room never changed with the course of the day making it impossible to determine time. Over the countless amount of time to which he could only assume was the night he wasn’t able to find peace in sleep. Lying on his back was never very comfortable for him not to mention the fact that he couldn’t move. He was unable to even scratch an itch on his shoulder that plagued him most of the night. Beyond those reasons he was also forced to listen to his nearby roommates yells, they didn’t seemed to sleep much either. Part of him almost wished the humans would give him what he thinks they called a tranquilizer and force his mind into darkness without his consent. Maybe this time he wouldn’t wake up, a dark part of his mind thought.

He assumed it was morning finally when the door was cracked open and the light clicked on. After a moment for his eyes to adjust to the blinding light he saw Sue and an armed guard who wore Shield’s logo on his arm. Perhaps it was time for the really torture to begin; he bitterly wondered as he took a few quicker deep breathes trying to prepare himself. The guard stood professionally by the door allowing Sue to enter. 

“Good morning, Loki. Feeling well rested? I’d hope you would be more agreeable today.” She spoke with clearly faked interest through a sallow smiled and cold eyes. 

Loki mumbled an Asgardian word roughly equivalent to ‘shrew’ under his breath. Paying his unknown word no mind she started to un-strap him from the bed. The moment he was free he quickly slipped away from her reaching hands. Backing away into the corner of the bed like a scared animal drawing his limps close to himself keeping his eyes focused on her hands, unsure of what to expect from them.

“Come here.” Sue said in a commanding mothering tone. Loki just stared at her with a slightly raised eye brow, wondering if she really thought she could boss him around like a child. He was far too old to be treated like a babe. Sue briefly glanced back at the guard and Loki noticed this curiously. The idea that she could be putting on a show in front of the guard confused him even more that the questions of the situation. She took a deep sigh before speaking again in a more bubbly tone, “Its breakfast time and you need direly to be cleaned up.” 

Still Loki didn’t move and an annoyed huff came from Sue. It didn’t matter how fake she made her voice sound he wasn’t going to obey her. Sue made a gesture to the guard, who then moved towards Loki. The guard grabbed Loki firmly pulling him from the bed. Momentary Loki closed his eyes trying to brace himself of the man’s unforgiving grip but as he was placed on his feet he realized that the movement surprisingly didn’t hurt. When he was at Shield, guards like this man wouldn’t be so tender. Heck, one time his shoulder was dislocated just by a guard’s force. 

The sudden movement to his feet caused a wave of dizziness as if he was moments from astral projecting. It was just another side effect of the ‘cures’ the humans have been shoving down his throat since he was condemned on this planet. The hundred years of torture at the hands of Odin and his older brother Vidar as punishment for defending himself from Balder’s attempted assassination just weren’t enough. No his punishment would be never ending. The distraction of his dizziness and bitter thoughts were enough to prevent him from fighting off the cuffs that locked his wrist tightly in front of him. The guard easily stood in control of him while he fought to regain his bearings. The guard with a firm but painless grip on his arm led him from the room. 

The noises he had been listening to all night grew louder with the sounds of people yelling, walking, and several things beeping. The layout of the building beyond his room was completely new to him. The location Shield had him seemed to be underground since there was no windows to be found. It seemed like he truly wasn’t with Shield anymore or at least the same base. It was doubtfully that they grew bored of him so he couldn’t think of any reason Shield send him away other than to learn something new from him. With each step towards where ever they were heading, he feel a growing pit in his stomach. 

Others who looked like they were also ‘prisoners’ here were escort by people dressed in scrubs leading them to their destination. Several of them they passed looked crazier than what they made him out to be. He noticed several of the people who were dressed differently, more formally. They wore white jackets over professional clothing. He could only assume that meant something but just didn’t know what. As they noticed him walking pass they started talking between themselves. Straining to hear anything that would give him much needed information but he could only make out one word ‘Shield’.

Dropping his eyes to the floor resentfully, he had to endure eight years of Shield’s interrogation and experimentation already. The thought of ever be in control his life seemed too distant to even be called a dream. Perhaps he should have just let Balder assassinate him that day so long ago. Clearly the oldest true son of Odin and Frigga held more worth than the adopted half-breed of Asgard and Jotunheim. 

They stopped walking and he broke from his dazed thoughts to glance up at the new room they have entered. It was a large bathroom with small, barely open-able, windows. The walls were the same numbly white color as the rest of this place. Cabinets lined the one wall and the room smelled of cleaning products.

“Now is your chance to go if you got to.” Sue said as she gestured to the toilet before walking over to the locked cabinets.

“Could I get a moment’s solitude please?” He asked calmly trying to appease her superior-complex nature.

“Just go I promise you…I’m not looking.” She said in an almost mocking tone. 

He sighed just trying to ignore them so he could relieve himself. The guard still hovered annoyingly near him as if he would be able to try anything while peeing. Sue didn’t lie, not raising her eyes as she looked for whatever she need among the cabinets. When he was done the guard led him towards a shower chair and Sue came towards him with a razor.

“I can do that myself.”

“I’m not being held responsible for giving you a blade.”

“I’ve held a dagger since I was able to walk.” He grumbled crossly touching a spot on his hip subconsciously reaching for the dagger which he no longer carried. On Asgard children start training on how to handle weapons as soon as they could walk so the thin blade of a razor looked like nothing more than a toy to him.

“Well that’s not how things work around here.” She said glancing to the guard who then pushed him down onto a shower chair connecting his bound hands to the chair between his legs, greatly limiting his movement. 

Loki fought against the bond briefly knowing he didn’t have the strength to break it but still trying anyway for the sake of trying. Behind him the guard held him, firmly but not painfully, still so she could shave him without cutting him. He grumbled fighting back as much as his drug weary human strengthened body could until Sue had the blade against him. Freezing his movements he couldn’t help but relive events in his past where he was left at the mercy of someone with a blade to him. Slight fear stuck his eyes along with a subconscious chill that ran down his spine and Sue smirked, a sinful expression. She was enjoying his humiliation, his fear, which quickly turned his eyes to an angry glare at this realization. The glare being met with an occasional ‘accidental’ cut here or there on his face. Along with the squirming they managed to finish with only a few scratches.

“See that wasn’t too bad.”

“You know not how to handle a blade.” He grumbled looking at his hands wish he could rub at his razor burned skin. 

Sue ignored his comment and looked to the guard saying, “I can handle this part alone you can wait outside.”

The guard nodded and left. Sue walked behind him a moment as he thought, this would be first time he was tortured by a woman. Even though he thought of women as incapable of torturing someone there was something about Sue that got under his skin. As he shifted to glance at her as she came back to his side, he came face to face with a pair of scissor as they snipped though his tattered sleeve. Reaching with his first reaction to the sudden blades inches from his face he quickly jerking away from her.

“What do you think you are doing?” 

“You need a shower and these clothes are trash anyway.” She said with an uninterested shrug.

“I’m not a child. I can bathe myself.” He said with his eyes focused on the floor in a hopeless tone as he knew where this was going to go and how he couldn’t stop it.

“Well the government says otherwise.” She said as she ripped the cut she made farther to remove the shirt from his back.

“Your government is corrupt.” He softly mumbled in Asgardian. 

Sue cut and tore the rest of his ragged clothing off leaving him shivering from the panic that was growing in his chest. Sue ran a sponge down his back noticing behind the caked dirt covering his skin was torn with old lashing scars. She could count the bones in his sickly thin body through his colorless skin. Several large purpling bruises adored his pale skin. Based on the different levels of healing it was clear to see he was beaten more than once recently. The institution policy would normally require Sue to summon a doctor and make up a patient abuse report but she wouldn’t do as such. She had read the reports from her superiors and knew the basic facts. She smirked while observing the bruises knowing that anyone with basic common sense would see past the “self inflicted wounds” excuse that was given to this intuition.

“Idioten” Sue mumbled under her breathe in a language Loki did not recognize. She was glad she was the one to deal with Loki in the matters of bathing him and overseeing his care. Even though it would require several days of overtime just to ensure that no one became wise to the injuries. An irritating thought which made her curse under her breath and scrub Loki’s back with a tad more forceful than required causing him to made a soft pained noise. She caught herself and moved to a different area. Many other nurses would have followed procedure and summoned a doctor almost instantly. At which point a hole or two could possibly be punched through the cover story given to this hospital. Though she understood why her bosses were being cocky in this matter considering who they are. After all why would anyone with half a brain question a reliable source such as ‘Shield’.  
Zoning out on the drain on the floor Loki watched the dirty water wash away trying to not relive things he had endured in the past. He felt the tight pressure of anxiety in his chest, as he focused on breathing slowly, and trying to ignore the harsh bite of Sue’s uncaring hands on him. Within his mind he was having mind numbing flash backs of him lying naked on a bed unable to move from drugs humans called sedatives, not unconscious but not asleep either. Now much like then he was still conscious of his body and surrounds but couldn’t do anything. Even though he knew that experience wasn’t truly happening again or that he wasn’t sedated didn’t help with the anxiety. He was having trouble fighting back the fear and blinking back tears while watching the memories replay. He lowered his head slightly to keep his face hidden, for the sake of what little pride he had left he would not allow this sadistic bitch to see him cry.

He woke from his daze as he heard the sound of the water turning off. Glancing up he saw Sue coming at him with a towel. She laid it over him and started to brush the knots out of his hair. Pained squirming didn’t slow her actions.

“May I request you just cut it?” he asked as polity as he could through grinding teeth.

“There’s no need. I’m almost done.” She looked at him with a scowl and continued. “If you wanted a hair cut you should have asked before I started to brush it.” Even one who lacked the ability to hear would sense the sarcasm in her voice Loki thought bitterly.

It seemed as though his hair wasn’t brushed in years but despite that fact Loki stayed silent through it. After brushing his hair out it was wavy and stretched just below his shoulder blades. She then released his hands from the chair and chain. He quickly stood wrapping the towel around himself and briefly rubbing his wrist trying to shake a sudden tingle feeling that shot through his arms to his hands. 

“Get dressed.” She commanded as she handed him a pair of orange pants, white socks and an orange shirt.

Despite the commanding tone he obeyed wishing only to cover himself quickly while Sue reclaimed the guard. The guard came towards him and the brief moment of his hands were free of chains was broken. With a firm grip on Loki’s arm the guard led him from the room. 

The room they led him into was larger with several tables bolted to the floor and chairs set up. Natural light pour in from the small bared windows that lined one of the walls. All the ‘prisons’ wore orange like him. Why the choosen color, he could only speculate. Sue sat him at one of the tables and connected his chained wrist to it while she went to get him a tray of food.

“You need to eat.” Sue said while she held up a spoon full of food to him.

“Then release my han ….” He started to say before she shoved the spoon in between his moving lips. He choked slightly coughing as he tried to swallow the large glop of what he assumes was food. She raised another spoon up to him and he just stared at her. Seriously she expected him to fall for the same trick twice?

“Why are you making things more difficult for yourself?”

“Water.” He said leaning back slightly so to avoid another forced baby feeding.

“Eat another bite first.” She commanded.

“If I eat any more of that slop you’ll be wearing it.” He said turning up his nose to the spoon she held out for him.

“Fine whatever I don’t care if you wish to go hungry.” She said as she then purposely took a drink from the bottle of water. He unsuccessfully tried to reach for the bottle which was just beyond the limit of his chains. Sue then stood next to him and made a move to tip the bottle to his lips. He opened his mouth to allow her to continue and she quickly dropped a pill in followed by water. Covering his mouth with her hand she said, “You want water you got to take your medicine with it.”

Loki was shocked when the guard, that had been following them since they left his cell, asked her to lighten up on her treatment of him. The guard was still relatively new to Shield but he knew that his superiors wouldn’t tolerate a patient being treated in such an abusive way. Granted, he knew Loki was supposed to be dangerous but also hadn’t seen that side of him. They have been assisting the hospital’s security simply because of him but something about this didn’t seem right as Loki seemed more fearful than threatening. He would just have to do his job and keep an eye out for anything that would give him reason to see Loki as a threat.

Sue made a comment about how long she had been working at this institution and then tuned the guard out before he could get a chance to respond. Sue wanted to state that he should mind his own business but caught herself before she did. She knew full well that her superiors would have her head on a silver platter if she let her pride blow their cover. So for now she would just have to bite her tongue and keep her responses as short and simple as possible.

Loki wanted to spit the medicine he held in his mouth in her face but he just swallowed. He was so thirsty and was starting to become more aware of his unsettled stomach. Sue moved to do it again and he sat back in his chair with a huff shifting his eyes to glance around the room. Sue gestured for the Shield guard to help her, despite his uncomfortable expression, while several orderly’s glanced over to see if their assistance was required. They forced him to down two more different pills despite him fighting back. Others in the room paid the scene no mind for things like this are common here. When they were done Sue injects him with a needle to calm him down. Sue has him dragged back to his room and straps him to the bed commenting that maybe his mood will be better after a nap. 

The room was dark again while he was unable to even roll over to his side so he could rest more comfortably. He wanted to scream but he kept his emotions contained not wishing for the sound to draw them back to silence him as would happen in the past. At least that is how things worked with Shield but why would the rules change here? A small part of him actually missed his life in Asgard before Balder’s death. At least there he had his hideouts, places he’d go when his father turned his iron fist towards him or when Vidar would try to test out his poisons on him. Moisture came to his eyes as he thought about how he actually slightly missed Thor and his recklessness. The oaf always needed his help and surely was killed without him there to protect him from his own undoing.

Beyond his will he remembered a very old memory of his departed older brother Tyr. The moisture in his eyes started to fall as he thought about how Tyr always had his back when he was alive. If Tyr had been alive when he killed Balder, Tyr would have not allowed father to punish him in these ways. It was a very long time ago but he still could clearly remember how Tyr started fights with father about his unfair treatment of him. Along with the bitter sweet memories came the memory of when he was informed Tyr didn’t survive one of the wars. He remembered not believing it at first since Tyr was dubbed the God of War for good reason. He just couldn’t be killed in battle but as time continued and Tyr didn’t come back to life it became clear it was true.

The sound of the door opening once more tore him from his walk down memory lane. He wondered, what was going to happen now, but didn’t ask. Maybe the humiliation wasn’t done for the day. They got him up and lead him from the room. 

“Change of plans, you will have to nap later. The doc wants to see you.” Sue said.

He huffed and allowed them to lead him from the room on his unstable steps. Using his shoulder he tried to wipe the signs of his tears from his face. What reason could the doctor have to summon other than test out more drugs on him. Clearly Shield hadn’t finished testing how he handled the drugs but perhaps this new doctor wouldn’t be as wicked Doctor Erich was. He wouldn’t be that lucky and bracing himself for the worst with a sigh. 

When they entered Barry’s office Loki took note of the man’s soft caring light brown eyes through his thin rimmed glasses. A soft smile came to Barry’s lips as he closed the book he was reading which Loki glanced at and noted it was Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell. “Release his hands and leave. We will be fine.” Barry said while Sue looked like she was going protest. The guard followed his orders instantly. His respect for Barry’s service to the country as a member of the United States Navy Seals meant he didn’t need to wait for Sue’s confirmation. Noticing the protesting look on Sue’s face Barry continued, “Must we continue the discussion from yesterday. Now leave Nurse.”

Sue huffed and stormed out while Barry sighed, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. He has had to fill out many reports about Sue’s unprofessional behavior but it never solved anything. She has worked at this institution for a very long time and having a brother of the board didn’t help matters either.

“Make yourself comfortable. You can sit or lay if you like.” Barry said gesturing to the couch. Even if he turned out as violent as Shield made him out to be Barry wasn’t worried. He could physically handle anything a patient would try. Plus the fact that Loki looked sickly also didn’t help with Barry confidence in handing him. At first Loki didn’t move to sit and Barry continued, “Or you can stand if you are more comfortable.” 

As he spoke he noticed Loki sway and wondered if the man would collapse but before he could move to try to attempt to catch him, Loki moved to sit. He looked deathly pale and ill while he mindless fiddled with the plastic hospital band on his wrist. On the table near him he saw a full glass of water and drank it without asking first. Barry made a note of how thirsty he seemed. Loki glanced curiously at the brown haired man sitting in a chair in front of him not speaking a word. The sickness in stomach and ache in his head topped with the man’s Balder colored eyes left his mood sour. They were silent for several more lingering moments as they wait to see who would start the conversation but the silent didn’t bother Loki. He just glanced curiously around the room. It was a comfortable space with medical degrees and military awards hanging on the wall which contrasted several of the books on his shelf about reincarnation. 

“Now that we can properly be introduced and talk like civilized men. I’m Barry.” Barry gave in and spoke first as he adjusted his thin framed glasses. “I’m going to be your therapist during your stay here. How are you feeling today?” 

Loki crossed his arms leaning back on the couch mumbling in Asgardian, “How would you feel with all this poison in your blood?”

“English please. I’m only here to help you.”

“By forcing pills down my throat?” He bellowed in English clearly still bitter about the first time he saw Barry.

“The medicine is meant to help you.” Barry spoke calmly not bothered by Loki’s outburst.

“Your so called cures only make me lack emotional control, queasy and ache…It’s impossible for me to keep more than a bite of food in my stomach. Leaving me with a thirst an entire river could not quench...”

“Is that why it looks like you have been crying?” Barry asked and Loki quickly wiped his face seeming shamed by the sign of weakness. “I’ll take a look at your prescriptions and doses so they don’t do that to you. It sounds like either you need alternate prescriptions or lighter doses…It’s alright to cry. It doesn’t make you weak. Do you want to talk about what is bothering you?” He said.

“Is this the part where you expect me to cry like a little child about my predicament?” He adjusted in his seat in annoyance. 

“We can talk about anything you like. I just want to get to know you. So I can better help you.” Barry said. Loki huffed and stood swaying for a moment due to a wave of dizziness. 

“Are you alright?” Barry asked.

“Like you truly care it’s your Midgard remedies which have made me this frail.” Loki almost yelled. Silence took hold of the room as Barry just observed Loki not reacting to his outburst. They locked eyes in almost an equally challenging way daring each other to make the first move. Loki won’t normally allow himself to look away first but his unsteady stance required him to either to move or sit once more. He sighed with the twitch of anger crossing his temples as he move to the window to glance outside.

“Do you understand why you are here?” Barry asked trying to figure out Loki’s mental state.

From Barry’s point of view he couldn’t see his face so he had to read his body language only. There was a clear drop in Loki’s shoulders. He seemed to be feeling guilt or shame since; he went from intensely locking eyes to avoiding eye contract now.

“This is just another way Father is punishing me for not allowing Balder, a true son, to kill me." Loki spoke in a hopeless tone. He knew the man was just analyzing his behaviors but he didn’t care. He had slowly been coming to realize that it would be best to outright stop caring. 

Barry didn’t push farther as he made a note continuing to watch Loki’s body language. Loki moved a hand to feel the glass with apprehension almost as if the glass would sting him on contact. When he realized it wouldn’t hurt him to touch it, he laid his palm flat on the glass and froze feeling the warmth of the sun. Overall sadness took over his body language as he couldn’t stop the thoughts about how it had been centuries since he had been able to truly felt the sun.   
In a mumble he said with a flat tone, “I want to go outside, breathe fresh air and feel sun on my face.”

“I can imagine so but until you are moved out of maximum security that is impossible. I want to help you get out.” Barry started to speak pausing waiting for Loki to turn to look at him curiously before continuing, “If you’re good, taking your medicine without a fight and act as directed I’ll be able to help you achieve that goal faster.” Barry glanced at the clock and stood saying, “You have had a trying day I’m sure. I’ll let you think over my words for a while and check in with you tomorrow.”

“I have tired of search for perfect. Your false promises mean nothing. They are just more lies to try and control me” Loki said through clenched teeth as the guard came in and proceeded to rechain his wrists. Barry said nothing yet, made a mental note to question Loki on what he meant about lies and attempts to control him later.

He didn’t react as the guard firmly gripped his arm leading him from the room. The expression on Loki’s face read annoyed. ‘Be good, Just Behave, Loki.’ He remembered being told that countless times like a child. He was always trying to be good, the perfect son but it was never enough. The second he stepped out line the world would come crashing down on him. When he was younger he would just bandage up his wounds and trying again but time after time nothing he did made the difference. In the end he just did what he had to in order to survive and avoid pain.

The guard shoved him into his room locking the door behind him. His shoulders dropped as he trudged over to his bed feeling drained in every meaning of the word. Laying down he rolled onto his side comfortably tucking his chained wrist under his pillow trying to decompress. Momentary he glanced up at the light, with his eyes only, wishing they would turn it off. In the end he just sighed and closed his eyes ignoring it. Just as he was starting to relax into a pre-dream state he heard the door open.

“Leave me alone.” Loki said without even bothering to open his eyes to look who entered.

“I wish I could but part of my job is to give you your medicine. Please don’t make this difficult. I don’t want to be here anymore than you do.” A young man who wore a name tag that read Jeremy said. Loki didn’t move from the bed just opened his eyes to glare at the man. Frustration read on Jeremy’s face while he grumbling under his breath about how he needed to find a new job and anger at Barry for forcing Sue to clock out. “Ok listen; I don’t care what your problems are. Just take your medicine so I can leave you alone.” He said grabbing him forcing into a seat position.

“I care not what is done with them but no more poison will taint my blood.”

Jeremy called the Shield guard to hold him and grimly Loki fought them off knowing where this was going. First would be the needle of what humans call a sedative then would follow the pills which they would force him to swallow. After that he would again feeling the overwhelming sickness that came from the poison. Everything happen like Loki expected but this time something felt different. On top of the normal sick feeling was pain as he slid to the floor. His stomach twisted and turned painfully just before forcing out all the limited contains of his stomach. There wasn’t much in his stomach but what little he did came up with painfully burning stomach acid. Through his disorientation he couldn’t pick himself off the floor without dizzily falling once more. For a moment he was confused as to even how he got there. His chest tightened as he was barely able to take a breath. His pupils pinpointed as his vision was blurred to the point of being lost to him. By the time he started to convulse Jeremy had summoned the on duty nurse. Mentally he fell into darkness as they were moving him down to the infirmary, unaware of the doctors and nurses rushing around him trying to save his life.


	4. Past, Present and Future

Barry awoke with a jolt much like he had done so many nights before. It was always the same the dream, the only one he ever remembered having. The dream had grown in intense and detailed over the course of the last couple of years. It was so real feeling that it came close to him sacrificing his career out of fear of his own mental health. At that time all seemed to be coming down around him but then he was introduced into the idea of reincarnation. Something about that idea clicked with him and he just knew it was a memory of a past life’s death. 

Stretching as he sat up, he knew he wouldn’t be able to fall back to sleep. Moving to his desk and clicking on his lamp he pulled out his patient’s files figuring he could get a head start on his work. Clipped to the top file was a picture of his newest patient, Loki. On the tab it said his name was Loki Howlett, no middle name listed.  
In the image the young man looked so broken. His eyes were saddened with a single row of tears running down his face. The black locks of his hair were a mess on top of his head. And was that a bruise he could see on his jaw? Barry became lost in thought over the young man’s image as he lost count of the things that bothered him about the sight. Why would they post a picture of him like that to his file?

Taking in a sigh he flipped open Loki’s file; he couldn’t help but feel for the seemingly young man who reportedly hasn’t known freedom since he was 16 years old. Barry read through the pages and pages of hand written rants from his previous therapist. The man who only referred to himself as Dr. Erich seemed crazier than what these reports were trying to make Loki out to be. Countless reports said Loki was violent, attacking without rhyme or reason. This didn’t sound like the man he met yesterday who was so fearful and sad. He would have to get to know him more but he suspected there was more to him than this. 

The report said that due to his given name he truly believed he was the real god of mischief. Yes he could be out of touch with reality as Dr. Erich was trying to say but Barry had another theory. He suspected that Loki is just picking up on a past life memories and twisting it around because it is easier to deal with than his current reality. Dr. Erich had diagnosed him with Schizophrenia, Multiple-personality disorder and also with anti-social, homicidal and, suicidal tendencies. Barry couldn’t help but physically shake his head in disbelief. Loki may have issues but he isn’t completely detached from reality or anything along those lines. In fact he seems to be very well aware of his situation and just frustrated from it. It was clear that he was abused, most likely by his father, there was clear distain there, and that there was far more to the story of how and why he killed his brother.

There was so much shoved into this file that he had to push it aside and take a break from reading it. Leaning back in his chair he glanced over to his book shelf and noticed a dusty copy of a book on Norse Mythology and language. He grabbed it checking something. Loki thought he was the Norse god Loki. Maybe the unknown words he was speaking yesterday were actually Norse language. He racked his mind to try to figure out how the words he spoke would be spelled. He found what he thought could have been the words spoken and would have made sense in the context they were spoken but he wasn’t knowledgeable enough on the language to be sure. Barry wasn’t sure what it meant but it was a start towards understanding Loki.

The sound of his phone ringing tore him from the book. When he answered it the only words he heard of the many spoke on the other end were about Loki having been rushed to the infirmary. Before even finding out why he was in the infirmary Barry hung up the phone without a word and rushed to the hospital. He couldn’t help but hold guilt in chest thinking about the possibility that Loki might die. Even though he had only been in his care for such a short amount of time maybe he could have helped him more. Loki had looked sickly but he figured he was just not eating due to some side effects from his medicine. Barry almost blew through the check in point on his way into Max Security. Quickly he pulled out his ID to allow entry. This institution was fully self efficient. Max Security even had its own fully staffed infirmary so the criminally insane patients that were housed there could be kept safely contained from the rest of the institution. 

In the large room of the infirmary the patient’s beds were separated by just curtains. Several of the patients were mumbling or screaming incoherently. Barry walked with determination over to the last bed in the corner of the room to find Loki. He was bound to an inclined bed by his wrist, ankles and chest with soft fabric medical straps. From his right arm an IV stuck out giving him much needed fluids. He had a breathing tube shoved down his throat controlling his breathing. He was shivering and twitching slightly but was conscious as his pained eyes glanced at Barry unsurely. The sun’s light from a window behind him showed off his sickly colorless skin tone, bizarre blue-green eyes and contrasting raven black hair. 

Before Barry could say anything a doctor with a name tag that said Jess came over to him. “Is this your patient?” Barry silently nodded yes and she continued in a much more annoyed tone, “What the hell have you been doing to him? He over dosed on drug levels that I’m surprised didn’t kill him. Not to mention the fact that he has clearly been beaten repeatedly and that is just what I got while glancing over him.”

“I just adopted him into my care yesterday. Let me see his chart.” Barry said with a sigh.

“Well whatever institution he was in before should be shut down for sever medical malpractice immediately.” She almost screamed as she handed over Loki’s chart.

“That would be Shield.” Barry responded through gritted teeth while looking over the chart.

“This is the patient we got from Shield?” She rhetorically asked in disbelief a calm coming to her tone. It was common practice for Shield to send them their agents that need help but never some seemingly random guy.

Shock hit Barry’s eyes as he read down the two plus pages full of drugs found in his system. All that was listed were used as treatments for a whole list of issues for which he wasn’t diagnosed with as well as a list of common sedatives. A deadly high dose of sodium pentothal instantly caught his eye for that was commonly referred to as truth serum. Why would they give him such a thing? 

All the doses were beyond deathly high and even a first year medical student wouldn’t have been foolish enough to prescribe them together. He met eyes with Loki’s for a moment and asked, “Is he stable?”

“Yes he seems alright now but he scared us. Stopped breathing for a few minutes. I’ve started treating him for the over dose and I’ll do up a report of his injuries. Shield’s patient or not clearly he was abused. We will have to discuss what his medication and doses should be.”

“The withdraw will be a bumpy road.”She said as she laid a hand on his shoulder in a comforting matter.

They then spent the next twenty minutes discussing medications and doses. Loki just watched them curiously not understanding or knowing the terms they mentioned. He didn’t trust any of Midgard’s cures and hoped they wouldn’t continue to force him to take them but he never had that kind of luck. He banged his head back on the bed out of frustration just receiving concerned glances from them. He was growing tired of them talking about him like he wasn’t there or unconscious.   
Jess updated his IV with a new bag as Barry met Loki’s eyes again, “I’m sorry. You were trying to tell me the medicine was hurting you and I was a fool not to listen. If I had known the full extent of the medications you were on…”After a moment’s pause Barry continued referring to the breathing tube, “You want that off?” Loki nodded yes and Barry looked to the doctor and before he could ask she spoke.

“Ok, he should be fine now.” She said as she removed the strap from his chest and helped him sit up fully.

Barry moved next to him placing a supportive hand on his back and on his hand to which he didn’t grip back. Jess put her hand around the breathing tube and said, “Now take a deep breath…In then…Out.”

As she pulled the tube from him he started to cough and choke. Jess moved a bucket in front of him just in case but he didn’t have anything left to throw up. Jess then tipped a glass of water up on his lips and he drank it quickly. 

With a scratchy voice he spoke, “It is not unfamiliar for my suffering to be ignored.”

“My job is to listen to you. I’m here to help you but you have to trust me. I won’t give you medicine which will make you sick like Doctor Erich. Will you give me a chance to prove it?”

He glanced around and then leaned back on to the bed once more saying in a bitter tone, “Do I have much of a choice?”

“You always have choices.” Barry said.

“Remove these shackles so I can sleep more comfortably… please?” He said almost hopelessly and after a lingering moment of silence from Jess and Barry he continued in an annoyed tone. “Trust has to be given both ways does it not?”

Barry glanced at Jess who shrugged saying, “I don’t have a problem with it. I’ll keep an eye on him.” Looking to Loki she said in almost a commanding motherly tone, “But the IV stays in.” When he nodded in understanding she started to release him.

Barry removed the straps from him as Jess adjusted the bed so it laid flat. He dramatically rolled onto his left side with his back facing Jess and face towards Barry looking like he’d fall asleep within a matter of moments. His quick movement caused his shirt to lift and reveal very old lashes scarred across his back. The look on Jess’s face drew Barry around the bed to see what was wrong.

Barry turned to Jess saying, “His former doctor’s report said his injuries were self inflicted? However, I’ve never seen someone injure themselves like this.”

“Me either.” Jess said as Barry carefully moved Loki’s shirt up to see how far the scars stretched and unintentionally grazing his hand across the roughness of the torn skin.

Loki cried out in pain and moved away from his touch as he growled through grinding teeth, “Do not touch it. Father cursed the wound.” The confused look on their faces annoyed him so he spelled it out for them, “You touch it and it feels like the wound is cut fresh.”

Jess and Barry glanced at each other for a moment. Loki’s eyes narrowed not caring if they believed him or not. Without any other words Jess said, “I’ll run some test later. For now try to get some sleep.”

Noises from out in the room drew their attention just as a patient runs pass them butt naked. A brief sigh came from Jess as she excused herself to go handle that situation. Loki lay back down on his side trying to get comfortable once more. Barry placed a reassuring hand on Loki’s shoulder while Loki just glanced at him suspiciously. 

“Sleep well. I promise things will get better.” Barry said closing the curtain that surrounded Loki’s bed before he left.

It wasn’t long before he was out like a light. It had been a ratter long time since he last was able to sleep. Even the sounds of the room around didn’t draw him from the darkness of his mind.

Loki sat balled up in the corner of a patted room, wrist hand cuffed together in front of him. He assumed Shield had grown tired of trying to break him without much gain since he had been left unscratched for several days now. The only thing they were ever able to get out of him during the seemingly lifetime it had been since his father abandon him here was about Odin’s fighting style. He’ll gladly give up information against the father that abandoned him but won’t betray Asgard despite everything.

Glancing down he noticed a new small plastic band around his right wrist. Fiddling with it so he could see it beyond the steel cuffs he noticed it was a plastic bracelet with text on it.

“Loki Howlett” He mumbled the name printed on it with numbers and colors that meant nothing to him. “Who is Howlett?” He briefly wondered as he laid himself on the floor to try to sleep in the moment of peace.

The moment was short lived as the door opened and he quickly sat back up ready for almost anything. An older man with a round face that he didn’t know entered with a guard.

“Hello Low-key.” He spoke his name annoyingly slow testing the pronunciation with his accent. “You can call me Dr. Erich. Shield sent me to treat you.”

“I am not ill.” Loki said gazing up at the man starting to feel an unsettling feeling deep in his gut as he wonder what Shield had planned for him this time.

“That is what they all say.” The man smiled. “So tell me how you are a real god of Asgard, the true god of mischief.”

Loki glared at him not liking how he mocked him. Yes he understood that most modern humans pushed off stories of Asgard as fairytales but the truth is simply that. He knows who he is.

“What don’t feel up to talking about it now? Before you were so quick to yell about how you were a god to shield.” Dr. Erich continued.

“I cannot prove the truth to you so where is the sense in having this discussion?” He said as he wondered what Shield was up to. Since they couldn’t break him they’d figure they would try to make him think he’s crazy?

“Maybe because the truth is you are confused and ill.”

Loki sighed and stood, standing at a much taller height than the doctor. He briefly eyed the armed guard, who was itching for a chance to strike like he had so often done, before walking over towards the other corner of the room away from them saying, “Why don’t you just leave me alone? I was trying to sleep.”

“You have to take your medicine first. Once we can diagnose and stabilize you. You will understand I’m telling you the truth.”

He glared at the doctor as he physically tensed; “Only you humans would think pills as cures.”

The doctor made a gesture to the guard and the man moved quickly towards him pinning him face first into the padded wall. He cursed his weak human strength as he was unable to fight off the needle that was shoved into his arm. He felt three pricks before the guard released him.

“I’ll be back to check in on you when the medicine starts to kick in.”

They left and he slid down to the floor looking at the little blood spots the needle left. Without warning a strange feeling over took his senses. It was weird, starting with a weird tingle in his finger tips and grew till he couldn’t see straight anymore within a matter of minutes. Putting his hands up to his face he tried to fight off the drug. He rocked and clawed at the side of his neck. Hours seemed to pass while he couldn’t even sleep to find relief. 

“Good afternoon, Loki” Dr. Erich said startling him. 

Loki wasn’t aware of him entering the room and attempted to move away from the sound of his voice. As Doctor Erich moves in closer to Loki, he rocks and eyes widen with a primal look. All it took was Doctor Erich’s hand reaching out to him to startled him and cause him to react in an effort to protect himself. In a panic he rushes the doctor feeling like he was danger. The guard quickly grabbed him, slamming him into a wall with more force than was needed, protecting the doctor.

“You mean to hurt me?” The man said almost with a laugh. Loki didn’t say anything as he shook from the drugs coursing through him. The doctor then made a gesture to the guard while speaking in an unknown language, said guard then proceeded to beat Loki senseless.

Loki awoke with a jolt, sitting up, tears running down his face. He wrapped his arms around his chest still remembering the ache of those wounds. He heard the sound of the curtain opening and he quickly wiped the tears from his face.

“You alright?” Jess asked. He just silently nodded, suppressing his pains, not wanting to talk about his memory. Jess didn’t push the issue. That was Barry’s job. It may have seemed like a heartless thing to think but she wasn’t trained on issues in the mind and could easily say the wrong thing. Changing the subject she said, “Ready to find out why your scars still hurt you?”

He nodded an unsure response mostly surprised she was serious. Getting him to take off his shirt Jess started by just visual looking them over. All the lashes that covered much of his back in overlaying lines were fully scarred over, years old. Nothing about them visually looked to cause the effect he described. After that started the tests which he was thankful that Jess tried to explain everything she was doing. He was placed in machines that he didn’t understand, despite Jess trying to talk him though the process.

The wound was poked and prodded till he couldn’t bare it anymore crying for them to stop. The sudden desperate whimpering that broke the silence of the room startled Jess. She tried to comfort him for a moment before saying, “We are done. Want to rest for a while?”

He just nodded his head while slowly sitting up from the examination table trying to push away his pain. Over the course of several countless days he felt sicker than he could ever remember experiencing. Even the time he fell into the frozen lake didn’t compare to this. Jess had informed him that there was no easy way of handling his situation. He would just have to endure the symptoms of ‘intense withdrawn’. When he wasn’t sleeping he was shaking with chills, feeling hot/cold flashes, body pains, headaches and twists in his stomach but he didn’t mind it. It was just the poison working his way out of his system. Jess would try to help him through it by give him distractions like books or let him pace the room.

As the days blurred together a ghost from Loki’s past was setting up the play for his salvation. Lying down to get some rest after a long tiring day of learning how things have changed from his recent trip. A man of slightly above average height closed his eyes and opened them really fast upon hearing his name called. Waiting a few seconds the man shrugged it off as his imagination and closed his eyes only to hear his name called again. Opening his eyes once more he stood up from his bed and scanned the perimeter of his room and the hallway. Upon being unable to find anything or anyone out of the ordinary he returned to his room shrugging it off as being his mind playing tricks on him.

‘It’s alright bub you just came back from the past and found everything is different. Of course your mind is going to fuck with you a bit while you settle into this new time line’ he thought agitatedly.

“Logan” Hearing his name called once more he opened his eyes to find himself no longer in his room but in the middle of a majestic field of flowers staring at a man who looked similar to him, in face, height and pose. 

“What the hell is going on?” Logan shouted shocked letting loose his adamantium claws prepared for anything that could happen

“Calm yourself Logan. My name is Tyr of Asgard and we have much to discuss”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have 4 more chapters wrote. If you want them posted quickly leave me comments of your thoughts. ^____^


	5. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. Warning possible spoilers ahead from several different Marvel Movies and TV shows. (Captain America: The Winter Soldier & Agents of Shield)

The first sensation Loki felt was the crushing feeling in his head which was soon followed by a ringing in his ears. Slowly fluttering his eyes open, the harsh light caused his head to pound more. Trying to adjust he glanced at the crude bandages that covered him and noticed his Asgardian chains were gone. He was still alive after that fall? Glancing at the plain walls that enclosed him he tried to move only to realize how much pain it caused him unable to fight back the moisture it brought to his eyes. Rolling to his back he tried to settle the pain only to notice that the room had no ceiling. Just a railing lined the perimeter of what would be the room’s top. Beyond it he could hear people walking around and talking but couldn’t understand what was being said. Was it a language he didn’t know? Or were they just too far? He was too fatigued to comprehend which it was.

Where was he? Surely this wasn’t hell. Through his foggy thoughts he remembered his ‘father’ throwing him from Asgard but to where? Where would the all almighty King of Asgard see as a fitting place to throw out a punching bag that he had grown bored of? 

Finally making it into a seated position he took a sharp breath as he tried to analyze his injuries and discovering a broken rib stabbing his side. Braced in a simple cast his broken arm was set so it could heal naturally with time. He sighed clearly where ever this was they didn’t have the knowledge to heal with one’s energy. But why wasn’t his body healing itself? The thought that he might not have the reserve strength to do so crossed his mind. Reaching within himself he tried to heal him with his magic but he all he could find was a headache. Glancing at his hands, dumbfound. Why wasn’t it working? Even after a 100 years imprisoned, his magic was only bond by the chains he wore. That healing spell was one of the first one’s he had learned back one he had to conceal the bruises Odin or Vidar would leave on him so to not trouble Frigga or Thor. Trying again this time he spoke the words softly aloud hoping that would strengthen it. Nothing but a pain behind his temples came from again. 

His mind shifted back to his fuzzy last moments on Asgard and he remembered that strange feeling that came over after Odin had grabbed him. It then hit him. Odin bound his powers making mortal. He felt incredible small and helpless. He held back the yell in his throat, to not draw unwanted attention just yet. There was no way of known if he was on a dangerous planet. The fact that he his wounds were tended to was only a small comforting thought.

“You have finally awakened. Who are you?” An English spoken voice asked him from an unseen place above him. Were they watching him this whole time?

“I am Loki…formally of Asgard. And what of you?” He said in a flat tired tone. He didn’t want to say he came from Asgard but since he had no other place to call home it was all that could be said.

“I’m Agent Jasper Sitwell of Shield on Earth.” A man said as he walked up to the rail on the other side of the room. The man was dressed in a suit. He had tan skin and was bald. 

His dark serious eyes were lined with thin framed glasses. “Asgard? You wouldn’t happen to be Loki, brother of Thor? Is that how you survived that fall?”

Loki tiredly shrugged. He had fought a lifetime trying to be known as more than just Thor’s brother but the anger was lost to him at the moment, leaving him numb. “And how would you know of Asgard?”

“Thor was grounded on Earth not that long ago. He destroyed a whole town during his short stay here.” 

“Sounds like Thor ceased to change.” He said bitterly as he glanced down at his wrists to see the blusters that were left from chains that he had worn for a century.

“Sounds like family issues?” The man said in a questioning tone.

“What do you wish from me?” He said in a hopeless tone as his head was making him feel faint.

“You are the one who came to us, remember?”

“The choice wasn’t mine of where I landed…I am free to go?”

There was a thoughtful moment’s pause before the man answered, “I doubt you can go anywhere.”

Loki’s eyes narrowed at the challenge. Quickly bracing himself he slowly moved to his feet trying to realign all the pieces of his broken body. Agent Sitwell’s eyes widened as he watched Loki slowly trudge towards the door. He had done up the reports for the superiors himself of the condition Loki was found in and didn’t understand how someone so broken could even move let alone walk. Loki was well trained in barely showing his pain as he limped to the door. He tried the doorknob. Locked but he wasn’t surprised. He didn’t bother to try and knock down the door since he knew his strength to do so was gone. He’d be lucky if Odin left him with the normal strength of a human but luck was never on his side.

“You need to rest and recover.” Agent Sitwell said without much care before walking out of sight.

Slowly Loki slid to the floor resting in a seated position. Releasing the staggered breathes he had been holding and quickly fell into what might have been considered sleep against the door. 

For some time in the beginning of his time with Shield while he slowly healed they seem to try to get him to trust them. Clearly he was a mess not just physically. No one could touch him and whenever someone came in he would shrink into a corner. He refused drugs they offered to help numb the pain. 

It took several weeks of trying calm coaching just to convince him to let a doctor look over his wounds and re-bandage them. He had tore off all the old bandaging and only agreed to have them look at it. Anytime the doctor tried to touch he would flinch away from him. 

Despite their seemingly nice treatment of him he was still skeptical of them. He could read beyond the surface of what they said. They thought him weak and there for thought they could control him through kind words and the basics to life. But he has played this game for longer than any of them lived. Eventually they would tire of this game and just take from him what they really desired. The question was if he would regain his strength in time to fight back and try to escape.

It started when he noticed that they were drugging his food. Unconscious they could study him and learn how he differed from them. Once he woke from their sleep drugs and found himself lying against a cold table unable to move as they seemed to run basic tests on him. After that he stopped eating. He had survived a far greater time without food. Once he noticed the water they gave him tasted foul he moved and threw up stomach acid in the toilet that was in the room. After that he stopped drinking as well. Whatever they wanted from him they would have to take by force. He wasn’t going to make it easy for them.

When the door opened again he wasn’t surprised to see several agents coming for him. He fought in vain but still had to try. He felt a pinch of a needle as his body started to betray him. Falling limp within the grip of the guards he glanced up at Agent Sitwell watching him from the railing.

“Cease this miserable existence… end me…please I beg of you.” Loki pleaded. He had lived far too long at the mercy of another’s control. 

“There is no need for that.” Agent Sitwell said in a flat tone.

“You can learn a lot from my corpse. Allow my spirit to move on…Perhaps Valhalla will still accept me.”

“You shouldn’t fight so much you need to rest and recover your strength.”

“Why…so you…can break…me down…once more.” He said slowly as his eyes started to roll into the back of his head into the unconscious.

………………..

Jeremy entered the room making his normal rounds to get the patients up for dinner. It seemed to have become part of the routine that Loki would be napping midday. Sue in general wouldn’t bind him to the bed for the evening aid to find, giving him the freedom to lie on his side where he was more comfortable. And with lack of anything else to do it seemed like a good idea to rest. Though this time something was different, Loki was laying trembling and mumbling words he couldn’t understand. 

“Loki?” Jeremy said as he lightly shook Loki’s shoulder.

Before Loki could take in his surroundings he was up faster than Jeremy thought he could move. Hands to Jeremy’s throat and pushed him into the wall with surprising strength. There were a few tense seconds where Jeremy was being choked. Jeremy was about the same height as Loki and of average build but was frozen by the shook of the situation. At the moment he wished he had brought a guard with him. Quickly the crazed look on Loki’s face faded and he realized the person he was gripping wasn’t who he intended to hurt. Anxious washed over his features as he slowly backed away from a stun Jeremy timidly. Nervously he retreated to the corner of the bed pulling his limps close protectively.

“My apologies…you…startled me.” He spoke in an apprehensive tone while avoiding eye contract.

The man that he was choking only moments ago staggered breaths was the only sound for that long moment before he ran to the door without a word. Loki moved his hands to his face trying to contain his anxious as he wondered what they would do to him. This institution had not as of yet treated him as cruelly as Shield or home use to but that thought didn’t help shake the terrified sickness he felt in his stomach. Several minutes passed with surprisingly no guards forcing him into submission so they could drug him as he expected. 

The sound of the door finally opening drew his eyes up. A single tear fell down his face as he tried to brace himself for what might come. Instead of the guard he expected to see he was greeted with the sight of Barry. 

“What happen? You left a pretty sizable bruise on Jeremy’s neck.”

“He startled me.”

“From a nightmare?” He asked but Loki didn’t say anything. “You attacked one of your aids so I’ll have to do up a report on this incident to prevent it in the future. Please help me understand.” Barry spoke in a tone that seemed like he was losing patience trying to stress the importance of him telling him everything.

“It was more like a memory…”

“What were you remembering?” 

Loki glanced down at his hands. “Humans…” He spoke the word in Asgardian but quickly realized and switched to English, “…have rather cruel treatments for their...”

“So you were remembering your time with Shield?” Barry spoke in his normal doctor tone reaching out a hand towards Loki. Loki just glanced at his hand unsurely while keeping his limps pulled tightly close to him. Clearly Loki didn’t want to be touched, so Barry continued saying, “Shield can’t hurt you here.”

“Shield guards walk these very halls. They are most assuredly waiting outside the door ready to strike if called.” Loki.

“They are only here to support with no power. They can’t hurt you.” After a lingering moment of silence while Loki just zoned off on a spot on the bed Barry continued, “What did you remember? How have they hurt you?”

Loki moved off the bed and away from Barry angrier read on his body language as he started to pace. His whole life he had been trained to contain his grievous, to never let anyone know of the malice he was forced to endure. Only Tyr would force him to open up and he had been gone for much longer than a human could comprehend. 

“Loki? Please talk to me. I want to hear what has happen to you.”

His emotions boiled over and he almost yelled, “You want to know what they did to me? ...They shot lighting through me until I quivered liked a frightened animal and even then they would not cease. Lighting…bothers me and they use my weakness against me.” His fist clenched together as all his angry from the memory boiled up. Lighting has always uncontrollably scared him for as far back as he could remember.

“You have every right to be angry. I would be too.” Barry

“You know not angry like I do.” Loki said continuing to pace from built up frustration

“Then explain it to me. Yell, scream do what even you need to get it out.” Barry said raising his tone to try encouraging Loki’s angry thoughts out.

Loki’s fist clenched and he almost shook with angry. He couldn’t contain this much longer even if Shield or Heimdall was listen for him to slip up. He could almost hear Odin and Heimdall laughing at his misery.

“My whole life has been at the control of others. I was never good enough for my family despite my efforts. Even my almost servitude to them was not enough to prevent my condemning to this...place. Shield…” He spoke Shield with angrier and physically shook with the feeling. “When they could not use their torture to gain Asgard’s secrets they turned to look for secrets from my body…” A sick look came over his features. “I was their lab rat and when they grew tired of it, Dr. Erich wished to make me crazy. Drugs and torture just to try and control me furthered. ” He looked up at Barry uneasy at first but angry soon directed its way towards him. “And you…Using your words to pick at my defenses. I know all too well how to use words in manipulation.”

“I’m sorry that has happen to you. I only wish to help put you back together.” Barry said not surprised his angrier was redirecting onto him. He would have to redirect him back on a topic that would help him.

“That is not possible for I have never been whole.” He said as he paced back and forth grew in speed.

Back when he had a room he would do this in private and tear apart his room just as a way to vent his feelings. This room had nothing he could throw or break beyond the bed and Barry was sitting on it. He was level headed enough to not wish harm on Barry knowing all too well how he could be punished for such an act of violence. A slightly chill ran up his spine as he thought about being strapped to the bed drugged to the point of paralyzed but still conscious. Not even the darkness of his mind to find comfort. His angry directed its way towards thoughts of Sue and how she seemed to take pleasure in belittling him but the thoughts never made it into words.

Barry watched Loki pace back and forth without pause. It was good for him to release this tension but he wanted to effectively release what he needed. Getting angry at him or pacing himself into exhaustion wasn’t solving anything.

“I want you tell me things that make you angry. Tell me about your father.” Barry said trying to stir at more anger within Loki.

Loki stopped mid pace freezing in his tracks. The simple reminder of Asgard chilled him to the bone. His angry was lost to him and he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t think. Mentally he was back in that cell he lived for one hundred years, feeling Vidar’s idea of fun and Odin idea of punishment.

“Loki?” Barry said dumbfound at his reaction. 

Barry stood up and moved towards Loki who didn’t reaction to him. Loki’s eyes were widely dilated and zone fixed on a spot on the floor. Barry reached to touch Loki and he reacted fearfully. He quickly backed himself into a corner of the room and dropped into a protective ball on the floor. Unknown words spilled out in Loki’s language in a tone that sounds terrified. When in manic states it wasn’t surprising to default back to ones native language.

Blinking a few times Barry glanced at this sudden change in Loki before regaining his professional mind. It seemed like Loki was having a PTSD panic attack. He tried several things he could to try and break Loki back to reality but he remained a scared ball of emotion. Tears streaming down his face and mumble words in his unknown language. 

“I can’t help you if I don’t know what you are saying.” Barry said but Loki didn’t seem to hear him.

Barry sighed as he called a guard in. While the guard firmly restrained Loki, Barry prepared a sedative. Loki kicked and fought to free himself of the guards grip but was unable to break free. Barry tried to speak calming words to Loki while piecing his skin with the needle. Loki seemed deaf to Barry’s words as he seemed to pray in his native tongue. Slowly Loki’s fighting died down as his eyes rolled into the back of his head unconscious.

…………………………

Loki slumped on his knees panting, choked and coughed, his breath harsh and uneven echoing in his ears. He gasped in air like a dying man, wet hair plastered to his forehead. 

His lungs burned. Every gulp of air was another stab of pain. And yet he craved every mouthful, desperate for it, even if it hurt. Despite their skills in waterboarding he remained silent to their demanding questions.

“What has he told you?” A tall thin pale man with small glasses and pale hair said. 

Clearly this new man held a high rank since Agent Sitwell shifted his weight before choosing his words, “I’m sorry Doctor Whitehall he hasn’t give us any valuable information.”

Whitehall sighed, “It looks like I will have to do it myself.”

Whitehall than made a gestured to several man standing guard to move Loki. Loki was still shaking from their last attempt to get him to speak of Asgard’s secrets. He could only imagine the worst possible fate that might be in store for him next.

They moved him despite his weak struggling into a machine that forced him to stand unable to move. His wrists were bound next to his head. Unable to even move his head or close his eyes as he was force to stare at a screen that showed colors and moving optically illusions. From somewhere behind his line of vision was a constant click of a metronome. A barely noticeable smirk came to Loki’s lips. They truly didn’t understand who their prisoner was since they thought they could brainwash him. Despite his weaken state he knew he was mental strong enough to hold off outside control.

“I want us to work together. I want you to become a valued member of our organization.” Doctor Whitehall spoke calmly before pausing for a moment to take a sip of his wine. 

“Surrender and you will find meaning. Surrender and you will find release. Take a deep breath. Calm your mind. You know what’s best. What’s best is you comply. Compliance will be rewarded. Are you ready to comply, Loki?”

“I am no slave to man nor god alike.” Loki stated firmly but his body shook with strain. 

Doctor Whitehall smirked saying, “I figured this would be a long night.”

What Whitehall thought would have been a long night became into much longer. All the while Loki endured the process mentally unaffected. If anything he was just physical tired and thirsty.

“Sir it has been a week. How much longer will you attempt this?” A voice behind Loki’s line of vision said.

The sighing breath of Whitehall was heard in response. “What else makes you so special?” Whitehall said moving in closer to Loki.

“Asgard would tell you nothing makes me special.” Loki spoke bitterly.

“I’d say they were incorrect and discovery of it will require experimentation.” Whitehall said with evil intention that Loki knew all too well from Vidar.

The hands of other men were on him again as he was release from the machine and moved to another room. They moved him onto a steel table and bound him to prevent his movements. They also gagged him and stood a sedative in his arm.

Whitehall came up next to him dressed in a strange outfit that covered up all of him other than his eyes. As he moved a small shining blade towards his chest, his body went numb. He couldn’t move but was still conscious. 

“It seems you are starting to become use to the sedatives.” Whitehall said as he started to cut open Loki’s chest.

Whitehall cut him open to learn what makes him different. He is drained of most of his blood and everyone expected him to die but he didn’t. It triggered something within him to keep him alive. Death won’t come to him so easily.

Whitehall glanced with surprise to see the mangled body of the man he thought just killed healing its self at an unnatural rate. Life came back to his eyes and he fought off the drugs and chains with new found strength.

“It seems I have underestimated you. You still have one advanced from Asgard. We’ll see if you blood hold any more clues.”

…………….

Loki woke to find himself un-bloody, dress in the simply sweats and orange t-shirt that Roman hospital have given him. It took a moment for him to remind himself that he was awake and what he had remembered was just a dream. Slowly his breathing calmed down as he relaxed into the real world.

Plain white curtains boxed off the area around his bed from seeing the rest of the room. He suspected he was in the infirmary again as he could hear people beyond the curtain. The curtain started to move and Barry stepped into sight.

“Good you’re awake. Do you want to talk about it?” Barry asked.

“Talking doesn’t change anything.”

“It could help dealing with the nightmares.”

“They usually are so … overbearing.”

“I suspect you are having a negative effect of your body is fighting off the drugs you were unwisely given on top of adjusting to new proper doses.”

“It will fade?”

“You should balance out…but I wish to discuss the content of your nightmares.”

“There is nothing to discuss. This is just a bad chemical reaction.”

“The chemical reaction is making the nightmares worst but the contents of your dreams are all you. Please let me help you. I promise things will get better.”

Loki didn’t say anything but his eyes shifted to sadness. A single tear ran down his face and he quickly tried to move to wipe it only to then notice that he was bound to the bed. 

Angry replaced the sadness in his eyes and he hopeless yelled, “I’m tired of being chained like some savage animal!”

Barry wasn’t bothered by his outburst. He just moved to un-strap him while saying, “Sorry about that. Your violent sleep made you dangerous. It was necessary to prevent injury to yourself or others.”

Once free of the bounds he rubbed his sore wrists. The fabric shackles that this hospital uses didn’t leave marks but more the memories of being chained made his wrist ache.

“Now let’s talk.” Barry said in a professional serious tone as he pulled his chair to Loki’s bedside.

Loki sighed knowing Barry wasn’t going to let him get out of this conversation.


	6. Memories & Lives of the Past

“So let me this straight. If I rescue your adoptive brother you will stop haunting me?” Logan asked the ghost that shared his face.

“More like I’d just bother you less frequently besides I think you would come to miss these regular conversations.” Responded Tyr with a sarcastic smirk on his face that Logan really wanted to punch.

“Then why should I do you any favors, bub?” asked Logan with annoyed glare that would have caused a lesser man to tremble in fear and back away quickly for self preservation purposes. However, this was not some ordinary man, this was the legendary god of war Tyr the Asgardian who was said to have not only been the bravest but fiercest warrior to lead the armies of Asgard. 

“Because, Logan you’re my reincarnation which makes him your little brother…Basically.” Tyr sighed, saying with finality, “He needs your help.” He wondered if he was this thick headed in his youth.

Logan looked at the glass in his hand and sighed, saying, “I need something stronger than this.” Logan was open to idea of reincarnation but to be told he was a Norse war god reborn was a bit too much for even him to believe. As Logan tried to process this information he gulped down the rest of his drink and found himself yet again wondering if his mind suffered some sort of damage from time traveling and staying in the past for as long as he did.

‘Well Kitty did warn of the possible side effects and, I was stupid enough to volunteer for that mission. Maybe, I should talk to Chuck and see if he can find any signs of damage to my mind that haven’t healed yet or, are just healing very slowly.’ Thought Logan as he now silently stared at the empty glass he held in his hand while Tyr slowly grew impatient.

“This lack of belief coming from a man whose mind traveled back to the past and woke up in the body of himself from a different timeline?” remarked Tyr with a slightly humorous yet also slightly annoyed tone to his voice. “I sincerely hope I was never this dense or close minded to things that were right in front of me. What do I have to do to convince you that this is actually real and not just some illusion stemming from long term damage to your mind?” Groaned Tyr as his annoyance towards the stubborn X-man began to make him wish he were still alive so he could save Loki himself.

“First off Bub, unless I give you permission to read my mind, stay the f*ck out of my god damn skull. Bad enough that I live with two psychics I don’t need some random ghost poking around in here as well.”

Tyr suddenly wished for a strong drink as well sighing unfazed by his current-life’s angry.

…………………………………….

Blood, pain and a scream that she wasn’t sure if it was her owns. She jumped awake, tears streaming down her face. Stumbling to find her glasses she glanced over at the clock with a sigh, another night when she couldn’t stay asleep. It seemed like it was happen every night now with no sign of improving. Standing she moved into the kitchen and opened the fridge for a beer first to place it on her temple to help calm her growing headache then to drink down her worries.

“Darcy? Nightmares again?” Jane looking as tired as she felt asked coming into the room

Darcy yawned and sat at the kitchen table nodding yes in a sleepy motion, “Why are you awake too?”

“I’d imagine you woke the whole neighborhood with that scream.” Jane said glancing at her with slight annoyance.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” She muttered too tired to saying anything else.

“You really should see someone about these nightmares.”

“Yeah maybe.”

“Let me make some calls and see I find a place that won’t be creepy.”

“If you’re going to have me imprisoned with straightjackets and all, please let there be sexy MALE nurses.” Darcy half laughed her words sliding like she was more drunk than sleep deprived.

“You’ve been watching too much porn.” Jane laughed shaking her head as she reached for her phone.

Darcy shrugged, “Got to find something to do other than sleep at night.”

………………………………..

Barry sat at his desk glancing over the report Jess did up for him to use in a malpractice case against Loki’s previous institution that being Shield. With all the insanity of the last couple of days he hadn’t had a chance to look it over before. Loki was dazed during the brief times he was awake and violent when he was unconscious while having a bad reaction to medication withdraw. It had been a long couple of days for all of them. 

On the cover the folder was a posted noted that said that Jess would gladly be a witness in court if she was needed. Cracking open the folder he skimmed over all the detailed work Jess had done focusing on the tests done on Loki’s back. The results of the tests showed that he in fact did have excessive nerve damage which caused real physical pain. Not surprisingly though he was refusing to take any pain killers to help with deal with the associated pain the injury created. He didn’t doubt that Loki’s lack of trust of doctors and medicine was linked to his time with Shield. A thought came up in his mind again. Why did Shield have him in the first place? They are military focusing on defense, or at least that is what they say. Dwelling on the questions that wouldn’t give him the answers he seeked, He would have to just look into it farther.

Pushing his focus back to the file he read that there were injuries seemed to predate his hospitalization. The lashed scars that adored his back were obvious of his early life mistreatment. There were countless healed breaks that appeared to have happened at different times predating his hospitalization which were classic signs of abuse. Beyond that his joints showed signs of damage that were caused by being hung by bound wrists over the course of his lifetime. Given these facts Jess stated that in her professional opinion he was abused not only by Shield but also as growing up. And most abuse cases found the parents to be of blame.

A knock on the door drew Barry around from his reading. He carefully tucked all the papers back into the folder and put it away before calling for Loki and a guard escorting to enter. Loki was still deathly pale but didn’t seem to be uneasy on his feet as he was before. The bruising that adored his skin like tribal markings had also faded. Even his hair looked as though his neglect had been washed and brushed away.

Jess had cleared him to be released from the infirmary and Barry opened up his lunch break and the hour after it for time with Loki. He mostly wanted to keep an eye on Loki’s appetite and make sure he wasn’t having anymore ill side effects to his prescriptions.

The guard unchained Loki’s wrists and left without a word. They knew if anything happened Barry could handle himself. “Please sit and be comfortable.” Barry said as he gestured to the table that was set up near the windows. 

Loki didn’t say anything but he moved to sit where he was directed seeming tired or bored. Barry got up for his desk and placed food on the table. Loki had to be hungry but didn’t move for the food as he glanced up at him curiously. His bones were still disturbing visible through his pale skin.

“Trust me this food is much better than the hospital’s.” Barry said while Loki just glanced at what was before him not moving to eat. Barry continued, “You aren’t required to talk to me to eat it. I just figured you would want some real food.”

Slowly Loki moved to eat quickly realizing the food was good and taking a larger hungry bite. Despite how hungry he was he ate with control, proper out of habit. While others could eat as disgusting as they liked he was held to an impossibly high standard and, he was quickly punished for failing to meet those standards.

“I’m glad to see you have an appetite. I love quesadillas. Do you have a favorite food?” Barry said trying to start a conversation. He knew that he had to break down Loki’s defenses if he was going to get anywhere.

Loki didn’t raise his eyes to Barry while he finished his bite and then spoke softly, “Would you believe I do not remember?”

“I would.” Barry said realizing just from what he gathered in the few meetings and his file that Loki was use to not being believed. Loki finally raised his eyes to Barry with a curious glance. Barry lightly smiled making eye contact with him and continued talking, “You’ve been institutionalized for 8 years? Since you were 16? Is that how long have you been away from home to not have a favorite food?”

“Home had not been such since long before I physically left.” He slightly shrugged not really feeling like going into how he was more like 1016 years old at the time of being abandoned on earth or how he had dealt with 100 years of torture for his initial punishment of killing Balder. A bitter thought crossed his mind, he found himself wondering if he would grow old in this hospital or be switched over to a new punishment at some point when the Fates bored. Would he age like a human?

“Do you remember anything?”

There was a silent pause while a chill ran down his back. “What haunts me is what reminds me of home.” Loki said shifting his eyes to glance out the window. 

Barry wanted to go more into the topic but was worried how far he would get before Loki’s shield would come back up.”What reminds you of home?”

“You.”

“How so?”

“Your eyes are the same color as….One of my brothers.”

“You have more than one. I have 2 siblings. How many do you have?” Barry said trying to continue the topic a little longer while Loki was talking.

Loki glanced at him curiously, reading no hidden agenda’s on his face. He shifted uncomfortable for a second and lightly sighed. Lowering his eyes to the table he said, “I’m adopted so does it matter.”

“Blood doesn’t determine siblings. Siblings are who you are raised with.” Barry spoke thinking about how being adopted wasn’t mentioned in his file.

There was a long pause while Loki shifted his eyes back through the window. Barry imaged the sight of the wind blowing through the trees on a nice day was relaxing to Loki.

“As far as those…raised with me, I’m the youngest of six.” He said before making a slight huff sound. “The six sons of Odin, though I guess I can no longer claim that family tie considering.”

Loki expected Barry to try to correct him how his father’s name isn’t really Odin. That he really isn’t the God of Mischief from Asgard but Barry didn’t say any such thing. As of yet the topic of him being disillusioned didn’t come up in their talks and he was glad for that. Since being on Earth he had been pushed to the point seconding guessing his own sanity. He knows who he is and didn’t want to debate such a trivial thing even with himself.

“Being the youngest of six sons must have been difficult.” Barry said. He wasn’t going to question Loki on the topic of Asgard because clearly he had much deeper rooted issues. Asgard was just the effect of what he expected to be a life time of abuse. To deny it being a flat out lie would only force Loki to draw back in on himself and solve nothing. Barry had to be a friend. The ear willing to listen to man who felt he need had a voice.

“Thor is only one…year my senior. The others were already men by the time he was born.” Loki said before taking another bite of his food.

“Oh so you grew up with him the most? What is he like?”

Loki just nodded a yes while finishing the food he bit into. Barry noticed a slight glare of annoyed hit Loki’s eyes. “He is a bumbling oaf. I honestly doubt he survived his own stupidity in my absence.” Loki bluntly said. 

“Oh, why do you say that?” Barry asked pushing farther. Loki really didn’t want to discuss Thor and choose to take another bite of food instead of answering. He still suspected that Thor would have gotten killed without him around and he couldn’t bear the burden of another one of his brothers dead because of him. After several lingering moments Barry realized Loki’s shield were firing up and continued trying to slightly change the subject, “Your older brothers. Would you tell me more about them?”

“Tyr was always off fighting wars in father’s name and died an honorable death long ago. His twin Vidar was cruel…” Loki paused, seeming bothered and Barry could easily see he was reliving something. Barry wondered if he would have another PSTD episode but Loki woke himself out of it without help and continued speaking, “…Hermod died when I was child, Tyr was suspected of killing him in self defense and, well Balder you know his fate.” 

Barry wanted to ask about Vidar he clear saw how Loki physically responded to just remembering him. “Vidar…?”

“No.” Loki plainly said cutting Barry off before he could dig fared. Just the thought of Vidar sent chills down his spine, he didn’t want to talk about him or the merciless things he use to do to him.

“Ok, you can tell me anything you feel comfortable with. I won’t force you or judge you for what you tell me.” Barry said. “Would you be comfortable about me asking you want happen between you and Balder? What lead to your hospitalization?”

“Is it not among the papers you keep of me?” Loki said not looking at him.

“Dr. Erich nearly killed you. Why should I believe anything a man like that would say? And besides you said it was self defense which the papers did not. I would like to hear your side of the story.”

“I do not wish to discuss it.” Loki shrugged as he thought about how Barry would only listen to it as a story. No one saw the truth in any of his words.

“That’s fine a story for another time, perhaps? Tyr sounds like an honorable military man.” Barry slightly changed the subject trying to pick out what he assumed was the reality of Loki’s life.

“He was. Father gave him the title of god of war for his skills in battle.”

“You said he was suspected of killing…” Barry paused to remember the name Loki said, “Hermod in self defense, why would he feel so threatened by his brother that he would do such a thing.”

“I do not remember much but, one thing I do remember is that Hermod was practically pure evil. He was Tyr’s opposite in every way.” Loki responded.

“You miss Tyr?” Barry said with a slight smile.

“Well yes. If Tyr were still alive I would not have been abandoned here.” Loki stated raw emotion coming through his tone and eyes.

“He would look after you like big brothers are supposed to.”

Loki said as he seemed to grow in anger clinching his fists. “He was the only one that would...”

“What did you need protection from?” Barry asked. Loki anger instantly dropped and his eyes zoned off into the distance and Barry continued, “We don’t have go into that now if you are uncomfortable.”

Loki just nodded as he was able to focus back on his current environment. Barry pushed him a plate with desert trying to distract him a bit. “This is called a cheese cake. Ever try one before?” Loki shook his head no while taking a fork full of it. He seemed to enjoy it and they were quiet while he finished his piece. “Do you want to stop for today?”

“Please.” He spoke calmly. He didn’t want to sit around in his cell but also was feeling drained by Barry’s prying questionings.

“May I ask one more question?”

Loki shrugged looking bored and did a gesture that turned up his one palm gesturing go ahead. 

“Which one of your brothers shared my eye color?”

Loki stood quickly not wanting to talk anymore. Barry thought for a moment he was going to react violent but instead he started to walk to the door. Stopping half way he turned quickly with a blank distance look and said, “Balder…You eyes are as if they were plucked from his head.” Loki sighed, and continued, “Can we be done today?” as he resumed toward the door. 

Barry thought about the last thing Loki said to him. His eyes were like the brother he killed. The same brother that Loki said tried to kill him first. Was it Loki’s regret coming though so he could hope to repent for his actions? Or was he making the connection between them as a way to justify keeping his guard up? A chill ran down Barry’s spine, as the thought that Loki could be uncomfortable with opening up to him due to his eyes being similar to his dead brother’s. 

Barry was thoughtful during his whole trip home. As he crawled into bed he pushed out all thoughts on his work. His mind had to rest or he could risk going crazy himself. Tossing and turning Barry woke with a jolt. For a moment he forgot where he was, who he was. 

Blood, the crimson liquid flashed across his mind. He had also had issues with nightmares himself. It allowed him to relate to many his patients better. The same dream would haunt him from now and then. He always figured it was his way of beating himself up over the people he killed while he was in the service. The battle he would dream about wasn’t something he hadn’t personal experience since it always ended the same way, with his death.

A golden world, magnificent and beautiful, tainted by blood as he fought an epic battle but this time the dream was slightly different. The first move played out for him this time and his opponent wasn’t just a shadow figure. He saw himself plunging his sword into the unexpected back of a young man. The man, who clearly looked like Loki, turned towards him with a mixture of fear and shock. Loki’s lips move but he couldn’t hear the words that were spoken as he drew his sword back once more. This time Loki materialized his staff to block his attack. He fought with all his might as Loki only avoided the blows. The wound that stabbed him through just barely missing his heart slowed Loki only slightly. Loki’s lips moving again but still couldn’t hear the words despite trying as hard as he could. It seemed Loki was trying to reason with him and when he realized it wasn’t working he began to fight back. It all ended with a jolt as Loki stabbed him through the heart. 

As he fell to the floor and his world started to go blank he heard Loki ask in a hopeless toned question, “Why, Balder?”

He had to be losing it, to dream of trying kill his own patient. Barry pushed it off thinking that realty had just mixed with the nightmare that wouldn’t give him peace. But an unsettle feeling wouldn’t leave Barry’s gut. He had dreamt that dream, minus the new details, long before getting Loki’s case. What could it mean?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Want more chapters? ^_^ I feed on reviews


	7. Avengers

Loki had gotten use to the routine of his life here. Sue worked five morning days and sometimes doubled. Much to his annoyance she was his main aid, leaving him to endure her belittling almost abusive treatment. Jeremy was the other common aid, even after almost choking him. He wasn’t overly friendly but was professional, not at all abusive like Sue. If for whatever the reason they weren’t there Amanda would tend to him once or twice a week. She was the nicest of them and actually tried to start conversations with him.  
He would usually not eat breakfast choosing to go hungry instead of enduring Sue’s baby feeding. Lunch was always shared with Barry giving him the chance to enjoy more of selection of food than the hospital would provide. Eating dinner would depend if Sue pulled a double or if one of his other aides would tend to him.

It was common that Barry would flip out on Sue for her treatment of him and over use of bondage and isolation. The hospital was trying to minimize the use of bondage and isolation even for the most difficult patients. Barry’s words never seemed to make a difference, Sue would continue to leaving him in his rooms for hours on hours and chained for most of the day. 

Today would be no different than others. Sue comes in fuming over the fact that her ‘bosses’ were giving her heat because they heard Barry was campaigning to get Loki out of Max Security. They like him where he was, stored away until they could claim him once more.

“Get up!” she yelled as she grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled him to sit up.

Loki cringed and raised his arms in defense for a moment but once he realized it was only Sue he blanked his face with boredom and tired, determined that she would not cause him fear. With one hand he rubbed the sleep from his eyes while Sue gripped his other firmly and prepared a needle for his inner elbow. The pinch of a needle didn’t faze him in the least and he didn’t move to fight. It was nothing compared to what he had endured even with Sue’s untrained hands.

“Doc. wants a sample of your blood.” She lied as she did this at her ‘bosses’ command.

Loki quietly wondered which doctor she was referring to and if they requested it because they found something alien in his blood. Loki sighed if his blood didn’t appear human he doubted he would be treated like any normal patient.

Taking him to the common area they found everyone, patients and doctors alike gathered around the TV dumbfound at the news reports that were coming in from New York City. 

“Red Skull has returned with an army.” The news report said on the TV.

Loki didn’t know who Red Skull was but he was sure that his army was Chitauri, though why they weren’t hiding behind a false form and why they were aiding this Red Skull figure were beyond Loki’s drug endued thoughts. Red Skull wasn’t a very creative name considering his whole head was red, looking like his skin melted off.

The sound of an explosion behind the reporter stop her rambling about how Red Skull had thought to been killed when Captain America last fought him years before. The reporter ducked out of frame to reveal a tall muscled man among the smoke. Shadows and lights from fires only showed him in pieces. His long hair fell untamed on his shoulders. Well his armor looked all too familiar. Is that a hammer he wields? Loki almost jumped out his skin at the realization. As quick as he noticed the figure was actually Thor he was gone, swinging his hammer around to take flight and rejoin the fight above him. He was startled slightly by Sue firmly grabbing his arm. 

“Come on you don’t need this excitement.” She said as she attempted to pull him.

“No.” He stated flat but firmly.

“What was that?!” Sue almost yelled at his blunt refusal to her command but quickly watched her tone as she glanced at those who may hear. “You will do as I tell.” She said quieter even though most were too distracted by the TV. 

“Was that truly...” He started to say but didn’t finish his thought. Thor truly survived his own stupidity? Years ago when he still found a home in Asgard Thor only survived by Loki’s cunning. The idea of possibly see Thor once again left Loki with mixed feelings compounding in his chest.

Sue pulled on him once more but he didn’t seem fazed as his eyes glanced distantly at the TV. After several more pulls Sue realized that she wasn’t going to be able move him by strength alone. Sue motioned over the orderlies which were standing watch of the room.

“He is too sensitive for this excitement. Can you help me get him back to his room?” Sue quickly made up a reason and Loki huff in response glaring at her. 

Loki felt a fire in his chest which he thought he had long since lost. The first set of hands came at him and he quickly broke their grip and nailed the man named Mark with a sharp right hook. A large orderly named Steve appeared behind him and wrapped his arms around him pinning him to his chest. Loki struggled and kicked out with his legs at another orderly named Kevin. After landing a foot in Kevin’s gut that bent him over himself, Mark moved in on his side. 

“Get up Kevin!” Mark yelled, his eye already showing signs of blackening over.

“Right…” Kevin said as he regained his composure and rejoined the fight. 

Loki felt a pinch in his side as Mark shot a sedative in the hopes to weaken his fight. Growling in response Loki threw his head back catching Steve’s nose and releasing his bear hug grip. Kevin and Mark were on him now wrestling him to the floor.

“Steve…you…ok?” Mark asked between panting breathes as he struggled to keep Loki down and not injuring them again.

“Yeah…” Steve said as he wiped the blood from his nose before rejoining the fight.

“Why…isn’t…the sedative…working?” Kevin asked in a whining tone.

“His tolerance for such medicine is unusually high.” Sue commented.

“And why weren’t we made aware of this information?!” Mark commended angry.

Instead of commenting Sue came towards them with a straight jacket with an amused look on her face. Even with Loki’s struggles the three men were able to get him in it enough for Sue to lace up the back. She pulled on the laces of his arms all too happy to tie them as tight as she possible could so he could barely move in his forced self hugging. He huff but ceased fighting for the moment losing his wind.

“Will you be walking or will we have to carry you?” Mark asked.

“I can carry my own weight.” Loki stated bitterly as he glanced back the TV hoping for another glimpse of Thor.

They placed him on his feet. “Then move.” Mark stated angrily.

“Take me to Barry.” He said standing his ground. ‘Surely he would understand.’ He continued in thought.

“Fine have it your way.” Mark said as they dragged him back to his room, kick and yelling to get off of him.

They shove him in his room, shutting the door behind him. He rammed his shoulder into the door in frustration yelling, “Let me see Barry!” 

“He is going to hurt himself at this rate.” He heard one of the orderlies say not caring at the moment to figure out which one.  
A second later the door pops open to show the orderlies and Sue. Steve was already tending to his nose and looking to rejoin the fight. Sue held a large needle and he backed away in defense.

“Take me to Barry.” He commended though his voice lack the tone of confidence or the fire in his chest he felt earlier. 

Loki was losing his steam quickly so this time when Kevin and Mark came at him it was easier for them to pin him to his bed while Sue shot the needle into his lower back. They left him lying on his side twitching, barely conscious of his surroundings while his plagued mind tormented him with nightmares.

…………………

It seemed strange to Barry that he was only given information about Loki after he was taken in by Shield. There was no information about his brother’s death, only saying Loki killing him. No police reports or anything. If Loki was truly crazy and murdered his brother for no reason than there would have been warning signs in his childhood. He really hoped to talk to his parents or legal guardian directly. After all he wasn’t able to give more medical & criminal history through the normal channels, Barry reached out to one of his friends who worked within Shield named Kara Palamas. 

Pacing around his office Barry thought about the report he just read. As far as Kara could tell him was that no one named Dr. Erich ever worked for them. There were also no records of them containing someone who matched Loki’s description. Kara also looked and found out that the social security number which was attached to Loki was only instated right before he was hospitalized in Rothman Medical Center. There was no record of him being born or living anywhere in the world which had such record keeping. It was all a big mystery. 

The sound of his phone ringing broke him from his thoughts as he made his way back to his desk to grab his cell phone. Curiously he noticed the number was blocked. 

“Hello?”

“You need not ask questions you shouldn’t know to ask.” Came a voice with a thick German accent.

“Who is this?”

“I am Dr. Erich” Barry quickly glanced around his office looking for his recorder before Dr. Erich continued, “There is no point to trying to track this call or trying to record me. Come now Barry, don’t be rude I have heard you have been looking for me.”

Barry fumbled for a moment as he said, “I wasn’t…”

“There is no need to play dumb as well. We have been watching you and my patient since you have been taking care of him.”

Barry slumped back in his chair as he thought about how he had got soft after retiring from the navy or else he would have noticed the bug in his office for spying.

“What do you want?”

“You were trying to get a hold of me before, were you not? I do hope our little mischievous Loki hasn’t been too much trouble for you.”

“You nearly killed him! My only question to you would have been, what in the hell did, you think you were doing?!”

There was a light amused sound as Barry imaged Dr. Erich’s smirk. “But you see he didn’t die, did he? Surely you must realize he is more than our weakness and can’t die as easily as us.”

Barry internally questioned Dr. Erich’s wording and wondered what he meant by it. Was he admitting to him that he purposely tried to over dose Loki like some kind of lab rat? A sick feeling rose up in Barry’s chest. He didn’t like this man and now understood Loki’s lack of trust in Doctors and medicine.

“If he is too hard for you to handle I can…”

“Loki is staying here!” Barry said with determination in his voice. There was no way he was going to allow this man anywhere near Loki again.

“Yes, yes. My accommodations aren’t suited for…patients at the moment.”

“Do you even work for Shield??

“If you know what is best for you, you will drop this and just do your job of getting him to hug pillows and cry about daddy issues.”

“Is that a threat?”

“Aren’t you more concerned with the attack in New York?” Dr. Erich half laughed.

“What attack?”

“Turn on your television, Doctor.” Dr. Erich said he hung up the phone.

Barry stared at the phone in confusion for a second before turning on his TV to watch the reports coming in from NYC. How this man was connected to this attack, he didn’t know. He didn’t know too much about Red Skull and flipped open his laptop to do more research. Red Skull was bad news over each article he read. He had ties to several terrorist groups, Nazi and Hydra. Thankfully both those groups were gone but the question was which current group Red Skull was tied to. 

Clearly Dr. Erich was a part of his current group considering he wasn’t concerned with the sight of aliens raining down on New York. An even bigger question hit his mind, that being how is their group connected to Shield. His mind started to race with many outlandish conspiracy theories.

………………………………………………………….

There was no way of knowing how much time had passed since Loki lost his fight against the drugs. His thoughts came back to him slowly as he momentary forgot where he was. The only light in the room was from the hallway through the small window in the door. It was not enough light to get a good look at his surroundings though his blurry thoughts.  
A buzzing in his left arm forced him to attempt to shift his weight off the numb limp. He rolled slightly not understanding in his drug weary mind why his arms wouldn’t move away from him chest. After another shift and he fell off the bed smacking his face against his nightstand table and landing loudly face down on the cold hard floor. He laid there in shook for a moment as the jolt brought his memories rushing back to him.

The click of the door opened and washed him with light and he closed his eyes tightly trying to adjust to the brightness. 

“Loki, what happen?” he heard the caring voice of Amanda coming towards him.

“Sue…” He mumbled as she helped him sit up.

“Did she also bind you like this?”

Loki just nodded yes. Words were difficult at the moment. 

She shook her head and clenched her jaw in anger as she unlaced the straight jacket and helped him sit back in bed. She excused herself to get him water as he sat on the edge of the bed shaking his hands in an attempt to bring feeling back to them. She was the only one that left his door wide open, trusting him enough to not wander off. There was nowhere for him to go to if he wanted to run off. 

She handed him a cup of water and he downed it quickly.

“Would like another?”

“I’m fine.” 

“I will let your therapist know what she did to you. Sue is unnecessarily cruel. ” She said shaking her head.

“Please let me see Barry.” He said glancing away from her as his brief glimpse of Thor flashed through his head. Was the battle still going on? Would there be any way for him to find out if Thor was truly there or if it was all in his head. Brought to life by drugs pumped into his system.

…………………

“What’s wrong? It is unlike you to request me.” Barry asked.

Loki walked over to the TV without a word and pushed several buttons before finding the one that turned it on. The news station that Barry was last watching clicked on still showed reports coming in from New York.

“I saw…I thought I saw…Thor on the...” Loki didn’t complete his words as he didn’t know the term for the TV.

“You saw your brother in the news reports from New York? Is he a reporter, was he hurt in the attack?” Barry grinned at this turn of events, not putting together what Loki was saying. Just thinking he was talking about a normal human brother. 

“No, you don’t understand.” Loki shifted out of Barry’s view of the screen as he tapped the glass. “This is Thor, the god of thunder…well at least that is what Midgard dubbed him.” The screen showed a poor quality clip, which looked like it was taken on someone’s phone, of a muscle man with long golden hair holding a hammer and sending lightning bolts at unimaginable aliens.

Barry glanced at the clip in shock. Compounding with the realization that aliens were real Barry was speechless. Thor, the god of thunder was real, a living breathing alien. If he was real than Asgard was real and Barry started to question everything he ever doubted. Ghosts, past lives, reincarnation maybe even the Loch Ness were real as well.

He looked at Loki with new eyes. This battered, emotionally crippled man was Loki, the legendary god of mischief, standing before him in every aspect of his namesake, the Asgardian outcast. He felt uneasy not liking the idea that there were things out there complete beyond his control, things that he couldn’t protect Loki from. Could he even help him at all? How could he possible relate to an alien in this impossible situation? 

Suddenly Loki’s eyes changed and were hit with fear. He took a step back and tripped over a step stool falling backwards on his butt. The fall didn’t seem to faze him as he quickly slid back on his hands till his back touched the wall he muttered, “No…why now.”

“What’s?..” Barry started to say as Loki jetted from the wall moving towards the window before he seemed to be grabbed by unseen hands. Loki pulled with all his strength at the unseen grip, which seem to almost crush his shaking wrists.

It didn’t seem Loki could see him at all. Barry had seen physiological breaks before but something didn’t seem right about this one. 

Words sounding of desperation gave from Loki in an unknown language as it seemed he was forced down to his knees with his arms held out on either side of him. Loki’s chest expanded quickly in sharp panicked breathes. Barry moved towards him, if this was a physiological break he would have to snap Loki out of it. As he was about to touch Loki’s shoulder he was zapped drawing his hand back quickly. He moved around him to see that his eyes were whitened over. 

“What is this?” Barry asked a loud in confusion. Was this how aliens have a physiological break or was this something else completely. 

Barry moved to his tablet and set it up to record what was happening as well and detect his language and translate. Loki made a gasping like noise as if all the wind was knocked out of his chest and he bend over like he was hit.

Loki twitched in his seemingly held position shaking with what seemed like fear and anger

A line of non-English words which had the tremble of fear came softly from Loki’s lips which the tablet translate to, “If you were wondering how I have been doing, a letter would have work just as well.”

His head jolted to one side with the sound of an unseen slap. His lip queered while moisture settled under his eyes but refused to fall as he lowered his whitened eyes to the floor.

Loki once again spoke in his language in a timid tone before he seemed to be cut off. He moved as if someone held him by the throat. He didn’t move to fight the hold but in fact seemed to give into it submissively allowing his head to roll back. Chocked non-English words came from him. Barry didn’t need to look at the tablet to understand Loki’s tone and body stating something along the lines of ‘Do I deserve death now?’

The white glow of his eyes faded as a line of non-English words came from his lips in an angry tone, slamming his fist into the floor in front of him. Angry-sad tears rolled down his face. Large breaths of air expanded his chest rapidly. 

Before Barry could mutter a word of support a bolt of lightning struck outside the windows without a warning with a loud crack of thunder. All the while the sky remained sunny and blue without a hint of a cloud.

Loki flew off the floor and over the couch fearfully jetting to hide under Barry’s desk. The spot Loki had chosen had the most physical protective walls within the room. Barry stood for a moment unsure what happen or what he should do. The sound of distressed panting breaths which boarded a panic attack brought back Barry to his professional mind.

Barry rounded his desk. Despite Loki’s height he looked very small hiding in a seated ball under the desk. “Loki?” he asked but Loki only responded by pull himself into a tighter ball. 

“Why cannot there…be truth to my words…I will not seek out Thor…I swore it.” Loki muttered to himself in his language as if someone else was there with them. Barry glanced at his tablet reading the translation.

Kneeling down to his eye level Barry said, “Hey breathe its ok.”

Loki huffed in mocking of his words. Barry slowly moved his hand to rest on Loki’s shoulder blade. Loki flinched light at the touch but didn’t move to push him away. If he wouldn’t believe his words perhaps just knowing he was there would help calm him down. After several minutes Loki’s breathing seemed to even out to normal.

“What happened?” Barry finally asked

“You would not believe me so I will save the breath. I have no way to prove the truth to you.” Loki said in a muffled voice as he continued to hide his face within the tight ball he had wrapped himself into.

“After what I just witnessed today, try me.”

Loki peaked out from his ball with wet eyes as he tried to read Barry’s expression. “I am not free of the burden of Asgard.” He said as he moved his hands to the back of his neck.

“What do you mean?”

“He is still watching me.”

“Who?”

“Odin.” Loki said while raising his eyes to glance fearfully around. He seemed to almost shake.

“Your father?”

“I am not his son. I never was.” He said while glancing down at his palms as if seeing something change about them.

Barry took note of the fresh bruising on Loki’s cheek and the large hand print that now adore his neck. 

“So what was that? Checking in on you?” Barry said sounding almost angry. He would try to help Loki as much he as could. He was still a person in need, alien or not.

“…a warning.”

“Of what?”

“To stay dead…or....” Loki spoke angrily unable to finish his sentence as he repeated some of the words spoken to him.

“That is hardly fair.”

“As you should have realized my life is never fair.” Loki spoke locking his jaw in anger. 

Barry sigh, “I don’t understand…why are you here…On Earth I mean?”

“I did not die when I was meant to.” Loki said as he wiped the moisture from his eyes before it fell.

“Are you referring to when you killed Baldur?...Why did they want you dead?”

Loki shrugged sadly. “I have pondered that question for over a century.”

“You have been on Earth for over a century?”

“No…Most of it I rotted in Asgard’s prison wishing I died that day instead Balder. As for my time on Midgard I can only assume Shield’s records are how long I’ve been here.”

“You were sent to Shield, why?” Barry asked choosing a different to ask about the term Midgard.

“Send? Hardly.” Loki chucked half heartly before continuing, “ I doubt ‘he’ chose any place when I was thrown from Asgard like trash.” 

“Thrown? As in you fell to earth?” Barry asked with disbelieve.

“Yes. I can only assume the spell which traps me within Human limitations was not in full effect at the time allowing me to survive such a feat. The plan may have been to kill me…”

Everything was starting to tie together. The snapshot of Loki’s life lay out before him. Only one question remained why Shield had no record of Loki. It is possible that Kara had lied to him but then it would beg the question of why. Barry was sure that Dr. Erich wasn’t Shield. You could hear the chuckle in his voice when it was asked. Barry sighed there was more to this picture than it seemed even Loki realized. 

“So Thor isn’t to know you live but can you still check in on him?” Barry asked as Loki just shrugged in response. “Come on. Let’s finish watching the new report.”

Loki moved from his safe spot tenderly as if the very walls would move and attack him. He got comfortable on the couch all wrapped up in a warm blanket. The TV was talking about the ‘heroes’ that were fighting. They were calling themselves the Avengers. Barry took pictures of his new injuries and gave him an ice pack for his bruised cheek all while Loki was more focused on the TV and any glimpse of Thor to care.

……………………………..…….

Back in the hallway of the max security rooms, Sue leaned against a wall.

“If you do this my employer will be most pleased and may even help you out of this hospital.” Sue said.

“Count me in.” Spoke a man’s voice from within the cell she stood near.

“Remember it has to...” Sue commended as she handed him something through his cells window. 

He interrupted as he spoke of himself in third person. “Harold, got this.”

………….

Hours later Loki had fallen asleep on the couch in Barry’s office while the TV had switched into a paid programming trying to sell a weight lose program. Barry tenderly tried to wake him but Loki still jumped with a startle. 

“I’m sorry to wake you but you have to return to your room so I can go home to my bed.” Barry said as he clicked off the TV.

“I understand.” Loki said as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Mildly glancing at the TV he asked, “Has the battle concluded?”

“Yes, we won, well more like the Avengers won. Considering y...” Barry started to say but then pondered on Loki being an alien.

“I am not of Asgard anymore.”

“You can make a home here?”

“Perhaps.” He said not allowing such thoughts which would lead to disappointment later.

“I will try to help you make a life here.”

Loki stood and stretched instead of responding he move towards the door, not verbally announcing he was done speaking. Amanda greeted him with a friendly smile as he expected her to escort him to his room.

“It’s late. Are you ready for bed?”

Loki nodded tiredly as he looked forward to falling into his uncomfortable but familiar bed.


	8. At Long Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you realized I don’t like the All Speak idea that the comics used to explain how the Asgardians can understand/be understood in our language. I always found it to be a lazy way to avoid the topic. Within this story you should notice Asgard has its own language which Loki likes to switch into to annoy Sue and just learned English assuming in Princely schooling.

Barry found himself growing frustrated as his pleads with the hospital’s committee to release Loki from Maximum security which had continuously fell on deaf ears. He knew Loki was no threat to anyone but, these people seem unwilling to listen to logic as he tried to reason with them. Sue, and her bogus reports of Loki being hostile seemed to have quite the effect on making his case to get Loki transferred difficult.

“Loki shouldn’t have to spend another night within max security. It’s cruel and not allowing me to help him farther.” Barry said to a small group of people who mixed of different cultures and gender.

“Sue is continuously reporting how she feels unsafe around him.” A committee woman said as they remembered this wasn’t the first time Barry had brought Loki’s case before them.

Barry sighed calming his thoughts before he spoke, “And if you would take time to review his file, you would notice she is the only one to have these issues with him.”

“I have a report here about him attacking Jeremy. Is this false?” A man named Steve that Barry knew to be Sue’s brother commented. Of course he would back any of Sue’s reports.

“That was months ago. Jeremy startled him from a nightmare and Loki reacted by putting his hands on him for a second before fully waking. That happens in minimal security as well.”

“And his legal guardian, do they share your view?” Another committee woman asked.

“They are unreachable and if you read the report I submitted completely you would see where I stated that I suspect his was abused by his guardian before being admitted into   
Shield’s care. He should have the rights of an adult.” Barry said. Even if he had a number for Dr. Erich he wouldn’t give it to them. They seem to take all the information that weighted against Loki with a heavier hand.

“We will keep that in mind before making a final decision.” One of the men said letting Barry understand this is the last time they will be reviewing Loki’s case at least for this year.

“Have you also read my report from the mishandling of Loki yesterday? Sue and three of orderlies denied his request to see me while also leaving him bond for hours beyond the hospital’s standards.” Barry said. Trying to think of anything he could say which would farther help Loki’s case.

“We will take everything in to consideration while discussing his possible relocation.” Steve commented professionally but Barry couldn’t help but harden his gaze on him. He would never allow Sue to be proven wrong about a patient and he wondered if corruption ran in their family.

“Thank you for seeing this case. I hope you will all do what is in Loki’s best interest.” He said finally before he left Loki’s fate in their hands. 

…………………….

Loki deeply sighed while soapy bubbles dripped down his face. He couldn’t even move to rub his aching eyes as his wrists were chained between his legs and mounted to the chair which he sat naked on. Sue once again felt the need to bath him by hand to boost her own power trip over him.

Twisting his wrists he tested the bonds to see if he could slip them now that he was fully wet. His thoughts were cut short by the sudden splash of a bucket of water over his head and he twitched from the dramatic difference in temperature, it was burning hot. Sue picked up a sponge and traced it along his neck and shoulders.

“Beating yourself up again, are we?” She asked as she eyed the recent bruises on his ribs knowing full well that it could have been from his brawl with the orderlies yesterday. She ran the sponge over one of the bruises and smirked as he winced. 

Loki huffed but didn’t bother verbally responding. Barry had warned him that Sue’s reports were keeping him where he was. One cell was no different than another to him but if Barry could move him to a different area where Sue didn’t work. She was just trying to edge him on and he would not give her ammo. She moved to pick up his long hair grazing his scars seemingly unintended. His heart skipped a few beats as he took a sharp breath.

“What?” she asked annoyed not realizing what she did.

He steadied his breath not raising his eyes from the floor ignoring her question hoping she would forget it. She moved to clean his back and grazed his scars once more. He squirmed away from the touch while making a pained noise.

“Oh, I forgot about that.” She said sounding amused. 

“You forget a way to vex me?” Loki mumbled in a smart ass tone in his native language. Not understand what he spoke but hearing the tone, Sue laid her full hand flat on his back covering several lines of scars saying, “English please.”

“Fuck you.” His pained anger boiled over.

“That’s not a way to talk to a lady.”

“I will be sure to keep that in mind when I next see one.”

She traced her finger over one of the lashed scars which ran the length of his back. Twitching and trying to move away from her touch, he held his breath so he would only submit a whimper. Those scars were his greatest weakness. A simple graze felt like a lash from a bladed whip which also happened to be dripping with Vidar’s poison had struck him. 

After repeating her touch on a few other lashes she said, “These wounds are pretty handy, no bruises.”

He gripped the chair turning his knuckles white with the force. A single tear fell into his messy hair while angry tightened his chest.

“I do not fear of you, you fucking harlot, for I have survived hells for which you could not conceive.”

Sue slapped her hand down on his back hard enough to echo the sound throughout the room and he jolted letting out a pained grumble.

As if summoned by the sound the door flew open without warning. These walls were sound proof so there was no way that someone heard his distress. Sue quickly moved her hands from his scars and turned meeting Jess’s eyes. The glare Jess was directing at her told her that she had seen enough.   
Jess barely contained her yell, “What do you think you are doing?!” 

“Bathing him. What does it look like?” She said as if it was a stupid question and moving the sponge over his arm attempting to ignore her and acting like she’d go away.

“I wrote into his file that no one is to touch his scars!”

“It was an accident and oh come on you can’t really believe in cursed scars. Clearly it’s all in his head.” She said as she placed her hand on his shoulder firmly causing him to twitch excepting a pain that didn’t come.

“No, but I do however believe in science and the excessive nerve damage on his scars, is the cause of his real physical pain.”

“Fine point taken.” Sue said as she put her hands up in a ‘not guilty’ movement. “Is there anything else you need? He doesn’t need an audience for the remained of his bath?”  
Jess locked her jaw angrily. There was no way she would just leave Loki for Sue to torture some more. “Get out. I’ll finish up.”

“This is my job. Why don’t you go back to yours?” Sue said attempting to wave her off.

Jess grabs a towel from a nearby rack and laid it over his shoulders in a comforting matter before saying, “How you have kept your job after numerous over steps is beyond me but this time you have crossed the line.” 

“Fine you deal with him but I should warn you to not...” Sue said and turned in a huff.

“Now you are threatening me?” Jess asked in disbelief.

Sue smirked at her, “Call it what you like.”

“I’m going to report you.” Jess said fuming with angry.

“Do what you want but remember it is your word against mine. His word as a patient who isn’t even seen as an adult in the eyes of law means nothing. Remember that if you seek to challenge me.”

Loki glared at her and locked his jaw while Sue smirked back at him before she walked out the door. 

“That bitch.” Jess huffed before she moved to un-cuff his wrists. “I’m sorry you have contact with her almost daily. She would make me crazy.”

He sighed with a shrug in response. Jess caught one of his wrists and eyed faint bruising, “How often does she bind you?”

He pulled his wrist from her gentle grip and wrapped the towel tighter around himself. “The fight is not worth the battle.”

“She has no right to abuse you.” Jess raised her tone. It was bad enough that she just learned of this but he’s content attitude about it bothered her more. As if he had Stockholm and refused to fight in his own defense.

“She is the least of the torments I have endured.” He flatly commented not wishing for her to be in danger if Sue was truly able to follow through with a threat. Life times of confinement made chains the least of his nightmares. He was almost use to wearing them.

“That may be true but this time I’m here to help you. And I’m willing to take the fight to the board of this hospital. I’m just glad Barry asked me to check in on you after yesterday’s ordeal or I may not have known what was going on.” She paused for a moment before saying, “Does Barry know of this?”

“It has not come up.” Loki said while glancing away from her. It seemed she wouldn’t give the fight up.

Jess rubbed the bridge of her nose in frustration. “I’ll have words with him then...” She commented. Up until this point the hospital had made great strides to limit or remove binding for even the worst of the patients. Loki was hardly a difficult patient, stubborn yes but not difficult, to requiring such bindings. Trying to calm her souring mood she changed the subject, “Would you like to finish showering. You are still covered in soap.”

He didn’t response verbally as he moved off the chair seamless moving the towel to cover his waist. “I’ll give you some privacy. There is absolutely no reason why you can’t bathe yourself.” She said as she made a slight embarrassment while she gestured to a private shower towards the back of room.

After finishing up his shower, he dressed and moved the curtain to find Jess waiting for him. She checked his injuries assuming even his wounds from his family reunion were from his fight with the orderlies. Thankfully his injuries were just bruising, discolored spots like stains against his pale skin.

Jess left him in the common area and said, “If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

He nodded to appease her but honestly wasn’t the type to ask for help when it was needed. He had a few uninterrupted minutes to himself in the commons, long enough to pick up a book and settle in the couch, before Sue found him.

“Ah, there you are.” She said as she came towards him.

He didn’t raise his eyes from the pages of the book while he commented, “Clearly you do not recognize someone trying to read away reality. It is rare to find anything of worth to read here.”

Sue was taken aback by his comment as she considered the content of it. “Hand me that book. Obey me and I’ll let you hang onto it.”

Quickly looking up at her in disbelief, he frowned, the expression causing lines to form between his brows. He really grew ill of her games, anything to enforce control over him. He shut the book with force and stood handing it over to her. Not obeying her because of any kind of submission but recognizing he currently was too tired for this battle.  
She eyed the description before commenting, “Fantasy...not surprising.”

“One’s fantasy is another’s reality.” He commented not fazed by her attempt to mock his reading choice.

………………….

Logan walked into a large mansion where kid ran through the hallways. All of them seem to recognize him and happily greeted him as they passed.

“And you are sure this seer will be able to locate him?” Tyr’s voice echoed in Logan’s ear.

“He can locate anyone on Earth. Remember I’m just agreeing to find him for you since you lost track of him. Beyond that it is on you. I’m not the hero type, bub.” Logan spoke softly aloud to no one. The idea of speaking to someone with his mind didn’t set right with him. Logan pushed open the heavy wooden door and said, “Hello Professor.”

“Logan, it’s been too long.” Xavier said as he noticed something different about Logan. Something seemed to be bothering him. Without Logan’s knowledge Xavier took a peek inside his mind. Instead of instantly seeing the person thought he came face to face with Tyr.

“I would not desire a seer to enter my mind unannounced.” Tyr said firmly.

“I only wished to help.” Xavier said while picking up mentally details of who Tyr was and how he is connected to Logan.

“If help is what you would like to be, then locate my brother.” Tyr said as he forced mentally images over to Xavier. What Loki looks like, Where he last saw him, The shield van that relocated him beyond his sight.

“Professor?” Logan asked after an elongated moment of silence and a strange look crossing Xavier’s face.

Xavier seemed to shake off something before he spoke, “You seem to be haunted by your past.” Without another word of explanation he wheeled out of the room towards his machine. Logan followed figuring Xavier had looked into his mind and as Xavier got himself set up he commented, “I can’t say I have ever looked for an alien before.”

“Will it work?” Logan said.

“I won’t know till I try.” Xavier said.

The room grew dark as illusions of people danced around the room and Xavier’s mind searched for Loki among them.

Xavier tired for hours but couldn’t locate Loki or the humans that were connected to him.

“I can’t locate him or even those connected to him.” He lightly sighed wondering if maybe the boy was dead and not want to tell Logan/Tyr of that possibility. 

‘They must have hidden him from seers.” Tyr commented within Logan’s mind.

“Thank you for trying, Professor.”

……………..

“Can we get out of here already? This place is freaking me out. Maybe I don’t need this.” Darcy whined to Jane while they continued to walk through their tour of the hospital currently in the maximum security common area.

Jane ignored her as she continued to discuss in many large words with their guide but the bags under both their eyes were clear. Jane wasn’t going to let Darcy just walk away from the help she needed. Darcy stopped following them letting her shoulders drop while dramatically pouting. 

“At least you are not imprisoned here.” She heard a man’s voice drawing her eyes to her right to see him, taking in the gaze of his extraordinary icy green eyes, sitting at a table. He lifted and rolled his cuffed wrists which attached him to the table to prove his point. He was dressed in patient clothing, a simple t-shirt and pants of an orange color, which really didn’t seem to suit him. His long jet black hair ran down his back with a few messy curls at the ends.

His voice pulled at something within her and the noise around them seemed to disappear. She had heard it before and wished for him to speak more just so she could place it. “You hardly seem crazy. Why are you here?” She asked hoping he would speak again.

For a moment he raised his eye brow curiously at her before breaking eye contact to glance around the room bitterly. “The lie spoken was that I’m a danger to myself and others.” He huffed with an eye roll, “Truth be told, Father just wanted me out of the picture. I guess this humiliation was more amusing to him than committing the killing blow himself.” He didn’t know why he was telling her anything. He didn’t know her but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to lie to her.

“I understand Daddy issues all too well. I’m sorry to hear what your old man did to you…Loki” She muttered the name before she could stop herself.

His eyes got wide, “My name falls from your lips, yet how could you possibly have known it?”

“You said it?” She asked while surprised that was actually his name.

“I did not.”

She shrugged lowering her tone as she muttered, “It came to me in a dream.” He sounded like the voice she would sometimes dream about but how could this be him. That was only a dream, right?

Before they could speak more Jane yelled for her, “Darcy?”

“Oh? Coming!” Darcy jumped. She briefly waved saying, “Bye, I got to run.” before running to catch up to Jane.

“Darcy?” He mumbled to himself in thought. ‘Who was she?’ he thought for a moment before brushing it off to the thought that he’d never see her again to find out more.

Sue came back towards his table with a smug look on her face as she carried a tray of unappealing food which she would force him to eat from her hand. 

The threat of losing his book once more only forced him to suck up his pride for a few baby feed bites. 

He turned his nose up to another fork full commenting, “Anymore and you will see what it looks like in return.” Honestly the food wasn’t that bad but he couldn’t her control any longer.

“Fine, don’t eat. I don’t care if you go hungry.”

Sue led him back to his room and locked him in for the night. Glancing around the miserable isolated room he sighed. Moving to the bed he laid down to try and push off his hungry. After getting comfortable he cracked open his book once more only to have his light turned off. In anger he threw the book at the door, knowing Sue plan this to happen. Turning he muffed his yell into his pillow while grumbling several Asgardian curses. 

Loki tossed and turned in bed for hours. Sleep had been difficult for him from as far back as he wish to remember. Waking in a panicked sweat a numerous times a night was common while other nights he just couldn’t relax his mind enough to allow sleep. Even with mandated sleep aids there were still nights when he would just stretch out in bed staring at the ceiling for hours on end. 

An un-timely noise drew his attention to the door as he noticed a shadow pass over the light through the window. A click alerted him to the doors lock being open and he jumped from bed. No one came in his room at night unless his nightmares cause him to make a scene but tonight he had been dead quiet. The door slowly slid open, a crack and stopped, no one entered and no one was there. For a brief moment he wondered if he was being haunted or just dreaming without even realizing he had fallen asleep. 

Moving towards the door he tenderly peeked out not seeing anyone or any of the other cells open. The hall was unusually dark making the light coming from the common area more noticeable. His normally noisily neighbors were all strangely quiet. He hesitated touching the door knowing he wasn’t supposed to be freed at the moment. It was troubling that a guard wasn’t within eye sight. There was always at least one guard strolling the hallways at this hour. 

He suppressed the chill that ran down his spine as he wondered if the guards would thrash him for stepping out of his room. The beaten in fear alone almost paralyzed him. After a steadying breath, he reminded himself that these weren’t the same guards which Shield had, giving him the strength to pull the door open. His socked feet moved silently as he proceeds into the hallway. Slowly he moved towards the common area while looking for any sign of life. Tonight should have been Jeremy’s shift but he was also nowhere to be seen. 

As he entered the common area he was startled by a blade coming towards his face with his eye as its intended target. Despite years of confinement he still reacted with the defense training he had learned in his youth. Avoiding the attack he took in the sight of another patient named Harold. Harold was truly a man who was the intention of this place. He had no soul and took pleasure in causing pain in others. Much about this man reminded him of one of his elder brothers named Vidar. Thankfully he knew how to avoid falling victim to men like them now. 

“Don’t fight and this will be over quick. I won’t hurt you too bad.” Harold said as he tossed the make-shift blade, which looked to be made from a toothbrush, from his right hand to his left.

“What do you want?”

“Nothing really. Just doing a job.”

“And what job would that be?”

“To ensure you’re never of free of Maximum Security.”

Loki took a few anxious steps backwards asking, “Why does that matter to you?”

Harold shrugged, “Bosses just like you where you are.”

Harold came at him several more times while Loki avoided the hits.

“And your plan is to attempt to kill me?”

“No, the bosses don’t want you dead. The plan is to make it look like you attacked me but that doesn’t mean I can’t have some fun with you first.” Harold said with a smirk as he quick sliced his forearms as if he had defended against the weapon.

Harold than rushed Loki knocking them both to the ground with a hard thud were they fought for control of the knife. Loki was weak at this form of combat but he still fought for his life. Loki managed to wrap his arm around Harold’s neck and held him with intention of knocking him out. A sharp blow to his side followed by a snap forced Loki to release his grip on Harold. Harold held the blades handle with amusement as Loki tenderly put pressure on his bleeding side, very much aware of the blade left broken inside him. 

Harold stood smirking, “Well now to just place your fingerprints on this as well.”

Loki slowly slid backwards from Harold as he approached him once more. The sound of footsteps drew their attention to guards coming their way. Harold groaned, it was too early for them and his plan was failing.

Harold quickly threw the knife towards Loki hoping to make it look like it was his and then yelled, “Help me! He is crazy and will kill me!”

A guard which Loki liked the least came up to Harold. This man was rough and Harold knew he had connections to Sue and the bosses. The man just stared at him disappointingly while he led Harold roughly away.

Loki just sat on the floor not defending himself. The similarity to when he dealt with Balder came rushing back to him and he was frozen in fear that history would repeat itself. The guard named Bill, who was an older understanding man, came towards Loki tenderly while he sat on the floor clenching his bleeding side. Bill put his hands up in a way that physically asked Loki if he would attack should he get too close. They were well aware of what could happen by startling a scared patient. Loki sighed and lowered his eyes to the floor, relaxing the tension around him.

“I did not wish to fight him.” He said almost shaking.

“We can work out the details later. Are you good to stand?” Bill asked.

Loki shrugged as he raised his arm which wasn’t preoccupied with his injury. Bill lifted him to his feet and guided him towards medical. Jess, the hospitals main doctor, meet them halfway with a few nurses as he was directed to a stretcher. Bill tried to follow their moments but was stopped by Jess.

“Wake Barry if you wish to help. Otherwise you will just be in the way.” Jess command as she shoed the guard away so they could take care of Loki.

By the time they made it into medical, the adrenaline had worn off making Loki feel dizzy and faint as he could barely focus on the sound of those around him. His breathing became shallow as he started to fall into unconsciousness only to be woken by a shake.

“Stay awake.” Someone commanded, too out of it to care who the voice belonged to.

He groaned in his throat as they stuck him with a needle to set up an IV. A few nudges got him lying on his non-injured side so they could work.  
His mind zoned off while they spoke and worked around him. It sounded like someone was trying to talk to him, Barry perhaps but he wasn’t sure and only responded in short incoherent words or nodding responses. 

Before he could stop it he was remembering a memory of one the times Father had let him join Thor on a hunt. He had fallen down a cliff breaking his leg as well as a few ribs. Unable to move he laid there for two days wondering if they had even notice he was gone. He had crawled on his side much like how he was laying currently and cried, wondering if he would die like this, all alone with no one to miss him. After that he wasn’t allowed to join them on hunts as if the situation was his fault. Physically tears traced down his face in response to the emotions he had remembered. He felt a hand on his followed by more comforting words before he blacked out.


	9. Chapter 9 - Minimal Security

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. Sorry this chapter took so long. I debated on the timeline format. I’m just leaving it so that everyone understands the daily route of Loki’s day. It will only be in this chapter I promise.

Switching over to minimal security changed his normal route. In maximum security he spent most of his time in his isolated cell, only coming out for food, bathroom breaks and his meetings with Barry. Within minimal security he found that the patients were kept to a timely schedule to keep them focused on recovering and being social. It took a while for him to adjust to the schedule and in the beginning he just felt tired, physically and mentally.

7 am – First Wake up Call

An Orderly comes rapping on the door commanding everyone to wake. Loki groans as he moves into a sitting position. A quick glance across the room seeing that his roommate, who was asleep when he came in late last night. The man just cocooned himself tighter in his blankets and fell back to sleep. Loki got up to take a quick shower enjoying the private room he only had to share with his roommate.

7:15 am – Room Checks

Beyond the sound of the water Loki could hear the orderly’s last wakeup call and wrapped up the shower to get dressed before his roommate got up. He didn’t feel like the glances or questions he scars would bring. His roommate, now up, entered the bathroom as he left not seeming awake enough to notice him. 

Loki made his bed as the guard command and step outside his room. The others on his floor had made their way into the hallway as they waited for the orderlies to do room checks. Every day they would make sure the patients weren’t hiding anything they shouldn’t have or things they could use to hurt themselves. Most of the time only cigarettes were found. 

7:30 am – Breakfast Time

Instead of being chained to a table while Sue forced him to eat from her hand, he stood in a line. On the tray he carried he was give a few limited choices. To drink: milk, water or juice. To eat: pancakes or eggs as well as a choice between bacon, ham or sausage. After making his choices he sat at an empty table and ate in silence, listening to the conversations his fellow patients were having. No one seemed inclined to join him and he wasn’t bothered by the familiar isolation. 

8:30 am – Morning Meds

Everyone lined up, some more excited than others for their morning meds. Loki slow trudged to the end of the line, questioning if today would be the day he refused to take those poisons. By the time he made it to the nurse he had pondered several outcomes to his refusal, mostly involving forced medicating, but in the end he silently downed the pills they gave him and moved on.

9:00 am – Community Jobs

Every so often as newcomers came they would have to sit through an hour and half community meeting. In these meetings they would review the rules and regulations for the new comers or those who need a reminder. No touching other patients, etc. 

On every other day they would work a community job. Most of the jobs were taken not leaving many for Loki to choice from. Loki didn’t care what they expected him to do to help the community and let them pick his job for him. Since he was the tallest guy the community they decided he would do dishes since he could reach the highest shelf for the clean dishes.

10:30 am – Sit downs with Barry

Before lunch he would have his one on ones with Barry. How much Barry was able to get him to talk depended on the day. Most days he would just answer questions asked of him.

“How was it sleeping with a roommate in the room?” Barry asked.

Loki just shrugged in response while glancing out the window. 

“Did you sleep at all?” Barry asked suspecting the answer before asking.

“Not really.”

“Was it uncomfortable having a roommate?”

Loki shrugged.

“Have you ever shared a bedroom?”

“Not since I was very young.”

“It’s not so bad. You will get use to it but for now I’m going to up your sleeping aid. You need to sleep.”

“If I must.” Loki sighed before taking a sip from his hot tea.

“How have the nightmares been?”

“Nothing beyond the normal.”

“Ok so just bareable.” Barry said in a playful tone, reading between the lines. “Going to tell me what fears they were filled with this time or will we have to continue this 20 questions game.”

Loki smirked into his cup while not raising his eyes.

11:30 pm – Lunch Time

Some days Barry would let him eat in his office and share the meal with him while other days he wanted him socialize with the other patients and send him back to commons to eat. Despite Barry’s request to socialize he would choose to sit at an empty table and listen to the groups around him chatter. That felt more natural to him and no one seemed to wish to break his silence.

12:30 pm – Check ups

Vital signs are taken were taken daily, deep breaths in while a cold disk lightly pushes against his chest and they listened to his heart and lungs. Sometimes the basic check up included a blood test to ensure his medicate were being taken correctly. In Loki’s case they monitored his weight and blood pressed, which had been dangerous lower since being admit to this hospital. 

1 pm – Group Therapy

Group therapy with a new therapist name Cynthia was added on top of his one-on-ones with Barry. The group Barry put him in was for those who suffer from nightmares, PTSD and abuse. Barry gave him an idea of how group therapy worked and warned him to stay away from the topic of Asgard and our myth as if he would ever speak of such things anyway. Barry also asked for his permission to inform Cynthia some of the basics about him. It would look better for him and be better sessions if she understood. After Loki clarified what Barry would be informing Cynthia he agreed it was alright.

He sat in one of the chairs forming a circle with other patients. He glanced around at the others. There was a mix of genders and ages. On Asgard therapy was unheard of let alone a noble talking about their problems to a group of strangers. Not that he could consider himself a noble anymore.

To his left there was Ivy, a brown haired girl who looked like her whole world had collapsed around her leaving her drowning in waves of emotions. She had scars up and down her arms from cutting herself and trying to end her life. To his right Rebecca, a blonde who was skin and bones. Within the deep well of her hazel blue eyes there were mountains of self hate which she horded. Next to her following the circle to the right was Allen. He gave off the impression of an ex-drunk who downed one too many to the point of those closest to him walked out. Following the line came, his roommate who he now knew to be named Buzz, who was a rather young body builder. After nearly killing his competitor he realized that his anger with his father couldn’t be buried deep enough. On the opposite side the circle sat Darcy. She gave off the impression to Loki as someone who hid her problems behind smiles and humor. Not too different from him a life time ago. Next to her was Andrew with short black hair and thin frame glasses. Over all he seemed the most well adjusted of them all but behind the shine of his lenses there was the guilt of a survivor. 

Loki recognized Darcy as the girl he had meet on what seemed like her tour around the hospital. Why would one volunteer to become a patient? While glancing at her curiously she must have felt the gaze and looked up to meet his eyes. She lightly smiled at him across the circle before shyly glancing away.

“Good morning, everyone.” Cynthia said taking her place in the circle. “We have a couple of new comers. Please tell everyone your names.”

“Hi, I’m Darcy Lewis.” She said glancing around the group curiously.

Then everyone was looking at him and he realized it was his turn. This all seemed weird to him as he shifted uncomfortable as he spoke, “Loki…” he paused for a moment to glance at his hospital band slyly to remember the last name they have given him, “Howlett.”

“Welcome,” The group said at the same time.

“Ok, who would like to go to first?”

There was a moment of silence until Allen raised their hand. He started to speak about how he had reconnected with his daughter and all the emotion that went along with it. Loki was barely listened to him dragging on in a monotone voice as he crossed his arms and slid down in his seat. Talking about ‘things’ to Barry alone was hard enough lead alone a group of random people.

A tingling feeling came over him, as he felt someone’s eyes on him. Glancing up through his wild wavy hair he met Darcy’s curious eyes. A blush came to her face as she quickly looked away. In response he raised an eye brow at her. 

“Loki, would you like to tell the group anything about yourself?”

“Not particularly.” He said barely glancing at everyone eyeing him.

“That’s fine…Darcy how about you?”

She sat up straighter at the sound her name and glancing around the group for a quiet second. “Um…I’m a political science student and I don’t know…” She said with a shrug glancing at the floor wishing to be out of the spot light.

“It’s alright. The group is here to listen and support. Would anyone else like to go?”

2 pm – Recreational Therapy

Everyone piles back into the common room to enjoy an hour and half of movies, games or crafts. Loki moves away from the group to find the isolated corner he has made his own so he could crack open a book and not have to talk to anyone.

The small group started to gossip about him curious of the new comer who only gave up his name. The knowledge that he was in max security and Shield’s custody for a long time had spread around the hospital like a plague. Rumors started to spread as people tried to fill in the blanks of his past with their imagination. Cynthia had come up to them carry many patient files and tried to hush them.

“You should try making he feel welcome and not look at him judgingly.” 

“Come on, doctor surely you could tell us something about him. He barely said five words during group.” Buzz said.

“He has had a tragic life and doesn’t need everyone gossiping about him. He’ll open up when he feels comfortable enough. Give him a chance.” Cynthia said as much as she could to answer their concerns while also not giving up Loki’s rights to some privacy. She leaves not realizing that she dropped a file. Darcy grabbed it and attempted to give it back to 

Cynthia but she was already gone. Glancing at the file tab she saw it was Loki’s. A horrible sad picture of him was clipped to the front of it and she felt like she was stabbed in the heart.

3:30 pm – Education

Just one glance Darcy thought as she held onto the file. She just had to know more about him but she didn’t have time now. She hid the file safely behind a couch so she could read it later. Then followed everyone to the presentation room where speakers had come to talk about how they survived whatever and/or the important of sticking with medication. Darcy barely listened to the speech while she thought about the picture attached to his file. He looked so broken and sad and that image would surely haunt her.

4pm – Visitation Hour

Loki hung out in the empty common area with a dusty uninteresting book while everyone else enjoyed the company that came to visit them. The thought of family coming to see him didn’t bring pleasant emotions so he tried to not entertain the thought.

5pm – Dinner time

Loki took his normal isolated table to eat the meal he was given. A feeling of being watched came over him and he glanced around to notice Darcy eyeing him as if she wanted to come over but didn’t. He tried to ignore her.

6pm – End of the Day cleaning Jobs

Down in the hospital laundry room, Buzz worked on his job. Washing and folding the bedding of his unit. The door opened and Buzzed didn’t look up.

“What do you have to report?” Sue asked.

“Not much. He has say anything of importance or anything at all really.” Buzz commented while continuing his work.

Sue sighs deeply and lowers her head in disappointment. “Our superiors will not be happy. It’s disgraceful enough that we had to store him here while the base is being relocated out of Shield’s watchful eye. The least we, small fries, could do is gain some valuable Intel from him.”

“It hasn’t be enough time from him to loosen up to me.”

“I understand but our superiors aren’t patient people and it’s only a matter time before they claim him once more and…who knows what they will do with us.”

“Understood ma’am.” He said even though he fumed at the thought that her failure in keeping him locked up in Max security was falling now onto him to fix.

“Good boy, Hail Hydra.” She said as she turned to walk away.

“Hail Hydra.” Buzz replied back.

7:30pm – Setting Daily Goals

Close to the end of the day everyone comes back together with their groups. They set daily goals for the following day. Loki said no more than he did during the day group. 

“Loki, I would like you to think about one of your negative thoughts and two positive ones to discussion tomorrow.”

A list of negative thoughts flooded Loki’s mind starting with the ever present ‘I should have let Balder kill me’.

Trying to think of a positive thought took more time as he though all while the group and only ended up with ‘I’m alive’ and ‘Things could be worst’,

8pm – Night Meds

Everyone lined up once more for evening meds and kept to the back of the line so that he was latest to down the poison he was forced to take.

8:30pm – Down Time

Everyone hangs out in the common area and talk and laugh together. For a brief moment everyone seems normal and like normal for Loki he took to his isolated corner.  
Buzz spotted Loki curled up with a book on the window bench in the common area and a blanket thrown over his legs.

“Hey.” Buzz said trying to start a conversation.

Loki raised his eyes and nodded an acknowledgement before going back to reading.

“What’re you reading?” Buzz said continuing to try.

Loki shrugged mumbling, “Limited selection here.” The selections of books in the common area shelves were limited to donation and didn’t include any decent novels for him to get lost in and forget his reality for a while.

“You cold?” Buzz said gesturing to the blanket.

Loki shrugged again, “It’s comfortable.”

Buzz sighed, thinking how this man seemed tired and completely uninterested in talking with him. The sound of the door opening drew Buzz’s attention to Darcy as she entered the room. She looked right at Loki and feeling her eyes on him he glanced up at her curiously. They locked eyes for a second before he took a deep breath, shut his book and stood. Re-shelving the book as he walked out. Even Buzz could feel the static energy which was left by the chemistry between those two.

“Hey, Darcy right? How are you doing?” Buzz came over to buddy up to her.

10pm – Bed Time

Buzz walked back to his room with more interest in his new roommate. He was asleep when he the man came in last night. The morning wasn’t much more informative considering he was a zombie until he got his first cup of coffee. He had to gather information from him to give something to the bosses.

Anyone would be better to room with than his last roommate. The man was a sex addict, flirting with anything and anyone not caring what their gender or age was. He would also masturbate at night and whenever he was give a moment to do so. Buzz got a chill thankful he never had to see that man again.

Pushing open the door to his room he saw Loki sitting on one of the beds. He was curled up in the corner of his bed with a blanket covering his legs. He seemed fearful as he glanced at the door. He had turned in early in the hopes to get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep but was woken by nightmares just before Buzz had come in.

Buzz couldn’t believe the chances that he’d end up with him as his new roommate and wondered if Sue or the bosses pulled some strings to allow this to give him a chance to prove himself valuable.

“Hey roomie,” Buzz said as he moved to his bed which was along the other wall of the room.

Loki just nodded an acknowledgement. Buzz sighed he needed to get him to loosen up if was ever going to get anything out of him. He tried to start a conversation with him for several minutes until the orderly came by and told them it was lights out time. They both laid down for bed, the steel frames of the bed squeezing in response to their movements.

Hours later Buzz was woken but a blood curdling scream. He jumped awake to see Loki sitting up in his bed with tears run down his face. After a moment of staring off distantly Loki than moved his hands to his face and quietly sobbed mumbling unknown words. A minute later the door opened. Erin and an orderly entered.

Loki reacted fearfully, still caught in the emotion of the dream, backing into the corner of his bed. “…I’ll be quiet….I’m sorry.”

“Hey it’s ok. No one is going to hurt you.” Erin said in a caring calm voice. “Did you have a bad dream?”

Loki just nodded yes while wiping his face with his blanket and attempting to regain control of his emotions.

“Do you want something to help you sleep?”

He shook his head no.

“I’ll take a sleeping aid.” Buzz said in a joking tone and Erin gave him a glance that he said he wasn’t being funny.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head no. How could she possible understand his nightmares?

“Do you want me to get Barry for you?”

He shook his head no, not wanting to prevent Barry from sleeping as well.

“Is there anything I can do to help you sleep?”

He thought for a moment then asked, “Glass of water?”

“Of course.” She said as she glanced at the orderly asking him without words to get it.

After drinking the glass he handed the cup back to Erin and she asked, “Do you think you can go back to sleep now?”

He nodded yes while glancing at the floor, “Thank you.”

“Good night.”

They left and he rolled onto his side with his back facing Buzz. Tears still threatened to fall from his eyes as he dabbed them with his blanket.

“You should have taken the sleep aid. It would have helped.” Buzz said.

“They do not cease the memories that return at night only preventing me from escaping them by waking. I apologize for waking you as well.” Loki spoke and Buzz took note of the different way he articulated his words. His voice was calm and controlled, opposite of his overall body language which still showed his distress. 

“It’s fine. My last roommate was worst.”

Buzz shifted trying to sleep while listening to Loki’s soft barely noticeable weeping. For just a moment he felt sorry for him while wondering where his accent came from and why the bosses were interested in him. Quickly his empathy was lost as he remembered that Loki was just his assignment and that he couldn’t let his emotions get in the way of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Want more? Please leave a review. I like to hear everyone's thoughts. They might end up in a future chapter. :)


	10. Can I Live Again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally this account is caught up to my fanfiction one. :)

Loki woke with a groan as his head pounded his senses back to reality. He foggily glanced around the room slowly coming into focus to see he was in the infirmary. His bed area was blocked from view by a curtain that surrounded him on three sides, the fourth being a wall behind him. Lowering his eyes he glanced at himself noticing a fresh set of dull grey clothing and bondage strays holding him firmly to the bed. An IV stuck out of his inner elbow. With a sigh, he attempted to wiggle and hopelessly pull on his bonds. It only hurt his injured side and bunched up his shirt on his back. He banged his head back against his pillow settling on barely glancing at the window that hovered high on the wall behind his bed. The day’s light washed over the space warmly but it didn’t help with his internal mood as he wondered how they would judge him for the fight with Harold. How would he be judged for self defense this time?

The sound of the curtain moving drew his tired eyes back forward as he saw Barry and Jess enter.

“Good morning.” Barry said.

“IV stays in.” Jess said in a commanding tone and waited till he nodded in agreement before she started to remove the straps holding him. “Have you noticed the bruising on his wrists?” Jess asked as Loki allowed Barry to pick up his wrist, pushed his sleeves up and eyed the bruising lines forming. “Apparently Sue has been binding him well beyond the hospital standards…As well as abusing his scars.”

Anger tightened in his body language as Barry spoke, “I’m sorry I was unaware of this, but I should have suspected. She….” 

“I did not inform you, so there is no fault.” Loki said with a slight look of confusion on his face. He didn’t understand why they were making such a fuss over something so minor. He’d lived through far worst.

“You should also know that I did report Sue so hopefully the committee will consider it while they review Loki’s case today.” Jess said as she adjusted the drip on the IV.

“There was no need to do that.” Loki said firmly without emotion.

“Yes there was.” Jess said.

“Her juvenile vexing of me was nothing and not worth the threat she made towards you.” Loki spoke calmly.

“Threat?” Barry asked glancing between the two.

“It’s in my report. Here I made a copy for you. Either way I am not scared of her.” Jess said with confidence controlling her voice.

“I wonder why this is all happening now…The day his case is being seen.” Barry asked seeming flustered a bit.

“I hate to sound paranoid but you think Sue tried to set up this for some reason?” Jess questioned in a lower tone.

“Her brother is a part of the committee but I just don’t see what she could gain from ruining the review of his case.” Barry said.

“My case? Is this in regards to Harold last night?” Loki asked unable to contain the question any longer.

“It was apparent to everyone that Harold attacked you so you don’t have to worry about any kind of consequences from it. Today the committee will be reviewing your case for transferring you to minimal security.” Loki looked surprised and Barry continued, “Did you think I was lying to you that I was going to get you out of maximum security?”

“Lying, no. Unexpected that the fates would allow me the chance to live once more, yes.”

“If I have any say in things; you will be free of this place and your past.” Barry spoke as Loki thought about how he didn’t believe that was possible but didn’t comment as such. Barry continued, “We have to get you ready for your meeting with the committee but you don’t have to be nervous. They just want to see for themselves that you are sane enough and not dangerous to be transferred to the normal hospital’s programs.”

Loki wasn’t nervous. Having hope for such a positive step in his life was required to feel nervous but he didn’t voice his thoughts knowing Barry would try to convince him otherwise. With a steadying sigh he braced himself to sit up while trying to avoid causing pain to his injured side. 

…………………………….

Logan walked off the elevator on the main floor of the Avenger tower. It was rather early so no one was around, likely still sleeping. 

Natasha greets him, “Didn’t think I would see the day you would return.”

“I still refuse to become an Avenger. Do you have the information I asked for?” Logan said in a flat tone.

“Yes.” She said gathering a few papers. She wasn’t offended by his brush off. “I searched though everything I could in Shield’s files about a man matching your description and the timeline. I only found one that comes close to matching. At first glance this file tells the story of a man falling from the sky several years ago and dying from his injuries but it clearly has been altered.” She hands Logan a paper with the unaltered file. “He did truly fall from the sky but in the unaltered file they discuss how he healed at an unnatural rate despite seeming to be limited to human boundaries.”

“Were you able to locate anything else on him?” Logan asked as he glanced over the paper.

“No, beyond this file he disappears but I will keep digging for you. Someone clearly wanted to keep him secret from even Shield and I’m going to find out whom.”

“Thank you.”

“Who is he?”

“The brother of a friend. Trying to help them find him.”

Natasha could see there was more o the story but didn’t push the issue nor show her doubt on her face.

“So if Logan isn’t going to do it, can I take his spot as an Avenger?” Asked Wade ‘Deadpool’ Wilson with his voice full of hope. Suddenly an arrow went flying into Deadpool’s head sending him flying out the window as Captain America could be heard screaming no at him.

Natasha looked at the scene in front of her and shook her head as she turned and went back to her research. “How does that idiot manage to keep getting in here?” 

……………………………….

Loki sat in front of the group of people of mix race and genders. Barry had informed him that this was set up this way to test the boundaries of the patient by making them uncomfortable. 

“Good Afternoon,” A dark skinned man with thin framed glasses greeted him as Loki just nodded back.

“We heard what happen with Harold. Are you alright?” An older dark skinned woman asked.

“I’ve survived worst.” Loki said flatly.

“I can’t help but point out a reoccurring trend of calling self defense.” A man that Barry had informed him was Sue’s brother said before. It was clear he was trying to steer the council away from releasing him to minimal. It was clear to see the family resemblance.

Loki didn’t give into his jab as Barry warned him this man was just trying to get him worked up and instead said, “I am thankful that this time there is proof to support my words.”

“So tell me do you have any goals in life?” A blonde haired green eyed woman spoke as a way of changing the subject.

“Goals?” he was actually thrown back by the question. It was hard to even imagine his life free enough where he could have his own goals which weren’t dictated by someone else.

“Yes, what type of career would you like to work if given the chance? Do you want to settle down and have kids?”

“I have not given it much thought.” He said trying to not think about Sigyn dying in his arms and Hela being banished to hell. 

“Oh.”

He knew that wasn’t a good answer so he continued, “I am unable to provide for a home so I never bothered to entertain the thought.”

“You never know. Things work out in strange ways.”

“What do you like to do in your free time?” A red haired woman asked him.

He knew he had to give better answers than he had been giving so he said the first thing that came to his mind, “I like to read. I wish there was more of a selection here.”

One of the ladies smiled at him and said, “That is a good hobby. Barry can get you books if you ask him.”

He was never one to ask for something so the thought to simple ask Barry didn’t cross his mind.

“Do you like to write?” Asked the older dark skinned woman. 

“I haven’t held ink…in many years I doubt my tutors would approve of my hand writing.” Loki said eyeing his hands.

“Tutor? Were you home schooled?” Asked the red haired woman. 

“Yes you could say that.” He said hoping they wouldn’t ask more question about ‘home’.

“This was on Asgard.” Steve said hoping he would defend it and prove he was crazy.

Barry warned him Steve would try to make him look out of touch with reality. Using some information Barry gave him, he easily thought up a lie said, “No, that was just the easier reality to bear than the one I truly faced at home.” He glanced away in thought as he rubbed at one of his knuckles in the uncomfortable topic. He didn’t really know what they were looking for or if he was doing well.

After the meeting the committee said they would discuss things in private with Barry before a decision was made. He is sent back to his room with a journal and a pen. Barry agreed that keeping a journal was a good idea and asked him to write every night. No one would read the journal. It was just for him.

Finding a comfortable place on his bed he opened up the journal’s first page and glanced at the inside cover which said ‘This book belongs to ______________’. For a moment he wondered if he remembered how to write. Taking the pen in his left hand he first wrote out his name in the characters of his native tongue than in English. The letters were very mess but still legible. Part of him wondered if he should just write in his native tongue or English.

The sound of the door opening drew his thoughts away from his journal. The second he took sight of who stood before him he instantly froze, eyes growing wide with fear. He gripped the pen so hard that it snapped in half. His chest raised and fell quicker as a panic set in on him.

In the doorway stood the man he hoped to never see again, Dr. Erich. Everything about this man shook him to his core. Dr. Erich smirked at him while he moved towards him.

Loki jolted backwards, backing himself into the corner of his bed.

“Wh…Why are…you here?” He stumbled over his words as he questioned his own sanity. Was he having a nightmare? He didn’t remember falling asleep.

“To reclaim you of course.”

“That…is not…possible.”

“Your stay here was always a temporary one and now that the base is safe and secure we need to continue our work.”

Dr. Erich reached out to grab him by the collar of his shirt but he was quickly batted away. “No, I will not allow this!” Loki yelled.

“Why don’t you come quietly like a good boy? You are only delaying the…” Dr. Erich sighed. 

The door opened once more and this time Barry entered.

“What’s going on? Who are you?”

“Ah, you must be Barry. At last we meet.”

“Dr. Erich?”

“In the flesh.” He said doing a mocking half bow. “Thank you for take such good care of him. He seems to have filled out nicely.”

“He’s not going anywhere with you.”

“That is not your choice to make. I am his legal guardian.”

“Legal guardian or not. He is a patient of this hospital and is being moved into minimal security allowing him a voice in decisions that directly affect him. And as his prime care I have made it known that you don’t have Loki’s best interest in heart. If you want to push this issue you will have to take us to court.”

Barry gestured for Loki to come and he quickly moved off the bed past Dr. Erich following Barry out the door. In the hallway he saw two of Shield’s guards which he recognized from his time with Dr. Erich. He froze not sure how to react under their shadow, trying to contain his shivering.

“Can you take him to my office?” Barry said to Jeremy who was passing by.

After they walked away Barry turned back to Dr. Erich, “I won’t allow you to hurt him anymore.”

“This is only a small victory and you won’t win the war.”

“We will see you court then.” And with that Barry walked away from him.

………………………..

Jeremy followed Loki as he almost ran to Barry’s office. His heart pounded in his chest as he felt like he was being pursued by Dr. Erich. When they got to the room Loki ran to hide under Barry’s desk. Jeremy slowly followed him and sat on the desk. 

“You know Barry will protect you right?” Jeremy asked but before Loki could response Jeremy’s phone went off. He glanced at the light screen before saying, “Oh man. I got to run. You are safe here. Don’t worry.” 

He ran out the door leaving Loki alone in the office. Fearfully he glanced around looking for any form of weapon or defense. 

…………………………………..

After Barry was sure that Dr. Erich and all those with him had left the building, he moved towards his office. When Barry entered his office Loki took a defense stance while holding a pocket knife which had been hidden in Barry’s desk moments before.

 

“Put that down. If someone else saw you with it what we won today would be lost.”

He laid the knife down on the desk hesitantly and shifted uncomfortably, “Apologetics…I…”

“It’s ok. I understand. But just know he can’t hurt you anymore.”

“You know not what he is capable of.”

“Well you haven’t been very forthcoming with information.” Barry said in a way to push the issue.

He sighed and turned to move to the window. “What prevents him from sending in forces and steal me?”

“The law for one. Plus it isn’t like we don’t have security.”

Loki just sighed not feeling any comfort in his words but able to stabilize his breath. They talked for hours till Barry could see that Loki was becoming tired. He guided him to his new room. Loki still looked nervous as he glanced around the new environment. Entering the room, there were two beds on either side of the room. On one laid a large muscled man that was snoring dead to the world. Barry had informed him that this man’s name was Buzz. After saying good night, Barry left and Loki settled into his new bed. It felt no more comfortable than his last one. He hid under his blankets still trying to shake his fears. Nightmares would surely haunt him tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> I originally just had this posted up on fanfiction.net but figured *shrug* why not post it here as well. Want more chapters please write a review. ^_____^


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